


Dusty Roads

by aroseintheimpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety Disorder, College AU, Destiel - Freeform, Drinking, F/M, M/M, sam and jess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-01-18 07:10:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1419258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroseintheimpala/pseuds/aroseintheimpala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is Sam Winchester's roommate and is perfectly content with keeping his distance from Sam's obnoxious brother, Dean. The stress of senior year is under way though, and those plans start to crumble as Dean and Cas find themselves seeing more and more of each other. Neither of them is prepared for the ways their lives will change as they stumble through their new, awkward... friendship. Because that's what it is. Definitely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The song Dean is listening to in the car is Icarus by Bastille. It's not extremely important to know that, but I just thought I'd throw it in for all of the music-obsessed people like me! :)

Rubber tires rolled to a slow halt against hot, black asphalt as a 1967 black Impala stopped in its usual spot in front of Valley Point Apartments, building number 4. The driver's door opened and squeaked on its hinges. Dean cringed. He was going to have to take care of that when he got the time. He filed it away for later and bounded up the steps to the door labeled with a shiny gold "414" and knocked.

“Sam, you home?”

Without waiting for an answer, Dean used the spare key from under the welcome mat to walk into his brother’s apartment. He stopped just short of slamming the door when he spotted a mess of brown hair and a t-shirt and sweatpant-clad body curled up under a red and white quilt on the couch. He softly pushed it closed instead, trying not to wake his brother’s roommate, and snuck past the living room and down the hall. A quick look in Sam’s room confirmed that he wasn’t there. He was due to be back from class any minute so he decided to just wait it out.

He looked around the room to find something to occupy his time before finally picking up a magazine about cars he was pretty sure he had left there in the first place. Sam’s room was full of law school textbooks and LSAT study guides and was much more organized than any 19-year-old’s room had the right to be. He plopped down on Sam’s perfectly made bed and opened the magazine. He hadn’t been sitting there five minutes, however, when he heard footsteps padding clumsily down the hallway. He looked up as the previously sleeping man stopped right outside the door.

“Can I help you?” Dean asked.

The way too strung out looking college student stared back at him, eyes squinting as he studied Dean. “Sam isn’t here.”

“Yeah, Cas, I got that. Great observation skills, buddy.”

Cas rolled his eyes and shuffled back into the kitchen as if the interaction had just been too much for him. Dean shook his head and returned back to his magazine. Castiel Novak was Sam’s roommate and probably his best friend, outside of Dean. Dean didn’t understand what his brother saw in the dude at all. He was two years older than Sam, the same age as Dean. He was a psychology major and probably the most anti-social guy Dean had ever met. Sam had hit it off with him right away though. Apparently they had taken an intro statistics course together and became besties during Sam’s freshman year. They moved into this apartment a few weeks ago at the beginning of the fall semester.

Dean tried to get to know him at first, figuring he was going to be seeing more of him this year, but for whatever reason Cas wasn’t having it. He acted like Dean had offended him personally simply by existing. It was baffling.

Dean decided he was in the clear from any confrontations in the immediate future and went back to flipping through the magazine in his hands. A few minutes later, the front door opened.

“Hey, Cas!”

He heard Cas grunt in acknowledgment of Sam’s arrival.

“Your brother is here,” he said.

Dean imagined Sam nodding as he slipped off his shoes and dropped his keys on the kitchen table. He walked down the hallway, much louder than Cas had, and stopped in the doorway.

“Dude, what have I told you about putting your shoes on my bed?” Sam asked.

He hit Dean’s foot. Dean groaned as he swung his feet off the bed and sat up. “Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

He stood up as Sam tossed his bag in the space next to the bookshelf. “You still up for going to Ellen’s tonight?”

“Yeah, but I can’t stay long. I need to study for my Women and Law exam tomorrow.”

“That’s okay. I’ve got to start my Comparative Lit paper tonight anyways,” Dean replied.

“Isn’t that paper due tomorrow?” Sam asked.

“Yeah,” Dean shrugged.

Sam laughed incredulously. He was always on Dean about his procrastination habits. Dean kept telling him that his study habits had worked for the last three years and probably wouldn’t fail him now. Truthfully, he had senioritis so bad that he could hardly stand it. His motivation dwindled with each day that brought him closer to graduation. He had a feeling it was going to become a problem sooner rather than later. It was only late September, after all.

The brothers exited Sam’s room and made their way down the hall. Dean paused in the doorway while Sam grabbed his keys.

“Hey, we’re headed to Ellen’s for dinner. You coming?”

Dean turned his head sharply at Sam’s question. Knowing exactly what his brother was thinking, Sam shot him a look that Dean clearly interpreted as “Oh, grow up.”

He supposed he was going to have to get used to this since Sam lived with the guy now. Still, he had the right to be a little indignant about Cas being invited without warning. Well, maybe not the right, but he was going to do it anyways. He looked over at Cas and waited somewhat anxiously for his reply.

“I wish I could, but I’ve got to get some research done tonight. I have a meeting with my thesis advisor tomorrow, and he’s expecting a lot more than I’ve accomplished,” Cas answered without ever looking up from his laptop screen.

To be honest, the guy looked a little frazzled. Dean felt bad for him. He had chosen to take the non-thesis track for his literature degree in order to avoid the very thing Cas was doing at the moment. Senior year was already hell, and he couldn’t imagine adding a 30 page paper to the mix.

“Alright, well, let me know if you want me to bring you back something,” Sam offered.

Cas nodded and typed away on his keyboard. Sam opened the front door, and Dean followed behind him. Before he closed the door completely though, he couldn’t resist turning around and calling over his shoulder, “No keggers while we’re gone!”

Cas turned his attention away from the computer screen to glare at Dean’s retreating form. He could just see Dean’s shoulders shaking with laughter before the door shut behind him.

Sam climbed in the passenger seat of the Impala and buckled up as Dean drove through his apartment complex.

“I don’t know why you have to antagonize him,” Sam said. “He’s a good guy if you’d give him a shot.”

“He’s frickin’ weird,” Dean replied. “Besides, it’s not like the dude wants to exchange friendship bracelets with me or anything. I don’t know what you did to make him like you, but it must have been some kind of fluke.”

Sam sighed. “He’s under a lot of stress, that’s all. Just take it easy on him, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Dean said, already tired of talking about his brother’s roommate.

He turned up the music in the Impala so that the only thing he could hear was the chorus to the Bastille song playing on the radio, and Sam took that as the end of the conversation. They weren’t in the car much longer anyways as Ellen’s bar was right on the edge of campus and Sam lived just down the road. All thoughts of cranky, studious guys were pushed right out of Dean’s mind as soon as he and Sam slid into their usual booth along the right wall. He looked to the bar and winked as he caught Jo’s eye.

 

Jo was Ellen’s daughter and worked at the bar part-time as a waitress. She was a junior, and Dean had met her during his sophomore year in one of his intro classes. She had taken a few literature classes before deciding to major in journalism instead. Despite his best efforts, Dean had never hooked up with her. Jo was stubborn and definitely not wooed at all by Dean’s charm and trademark moves. She was smoking hot, but Dean had gotten over any desire to sleep with her long ago. She was more like a little sister to him than anything. She finished wiping down the bar and came to stand at the brothers’ table.

“Thought I might see you two in here tonight,” she said with a grin.

“Are we really getting that predictable?” Dean asked.

“You’re here every Tuesday night,” Jo smirked. “I bet I can guess your orders too. Dean, you want a double bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a beer. Sam, you want a grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo, a side salad, and a water. Am I right?”

She was writing on a small notepad as she talked and looked up smugly as she finished. Dean nodded, “Damn, you’re good.”

Sam laughed, “That’s kind of freaky.”

“What can I say?” Jo said, taking their menus. “You’re my favorite customers.”

“And don’t forget it!” Dean yelled playfully at her retreating form.

The brothers chatted easily over dinner about school and work and everything else that had happened in the last few days since they had seen each other. Their paths didn’t cross very often because of their hectic schedules. Dean worked at their sort-of-uncle Bobby’s garage and lived with him instead of on-campus. It was only about a 20 minute drive away, but Dean still didn’t spend a lot of time on that side of town when he wasn’t in class. He and Sam had standing plans for dinner on Tuesday night at Ellen’s though. Both of them enjoyed the time spent catching up, even if it meant sacrificing some work or study time. It was just an added bonus that Dean usually left with at least one girl’s phone number in his pocket.

After about an hour, Sam waved Jo over to get their check. That’s what Dean thought anyway. When she bounced over to their table, however, Sam said, “Hey, I need to place an order to go.”

“Sure, what is it?” she asked.

“A chicken wrap with caesar salad dressing and a coke,” Sam read off of his phone.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him. After Jo left, Sam explained, “For Cas. I texted him a minute ago, and he still hasn’t eaten dinner.”

“Good thing he has you to babysit him,” Dean snarked.

“Dean.”

Dean put up his hands in surrender, “Sorry, sorry. I’ll play nice.”

Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head. He didn’t understand the feud that seemed to have developed out of thin air between his brother and Cas. Dean was kind of a dick, though, he reasoned. He loved his brother, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t see that.

Jo returned with Cas’ dinner in a to-go bag, and took their money as they got up to leave. They drove back to Sam’s apartment silently and opened the front door to find it dark inside.

“Guess your buddy left,” Dean said.

“About that,” Sam said, setting his phone and keys down on the table. “Cas is at the library. I was hoping that since you’re headed over there to work on your paper, you could…”

“Oh, no,” Dean interrupted. “I am not playing delivery boy. He’d probably think I spat in it or something anyways.”

“Please,” Sam said. “Just do this one thing. You don’t even have to talk to him. Just give him the food and leave. He said he’s in a study room on the second floor. It’ll take two minutes.”

Dean scowled at Sam’s sad puppy eyes and sighed, “Fine. You owe me though.”

He took the bag from Sam and turned his keys over in his hand.

“I’ll see you this weekend for the barbeque at Bobby’s?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Sam said. “We’ll be there.”

“We?” Dean asked. “Who’s we?”

Sam’s face became engulfed by the blush that spread from his neck right up to his cheeks. He looked down to straighten the mail on the counter as he replied, “Me and Jess.”

“Jess?” Dean smirked. “That the girl you’ve been hiding from me?”

“I haven’t been hiding her,” Sam said in an exasperated tone. “I just wanted to wait awhile before introducing her to everyone, you know. Make sure it was the right time.”

Dean grinned in response and Sam said, “Shut up. Don’t make me regret this already.”

With a feigned expression of innocence, Dean replied, “I’ll be on my best behavior. Promise.”

“That’s what I’m worried about,” Sam muttered.

Dean just laughed as he said goodbye and left the apartment. His laughter died though when he looked down at the bag of food in his hand. He frowned at it, as if it were the cause of his current dread.

It’s not that he hated Castiel or anything. Hell, he didn’t even really dislike him. There was just something about him that brought out that defensive side of Dean, and he couldn’t help but rise to the challenge. Like Sam said, though, this didn’t have to be a big deal. He would just drop off the food and leave. He had other things to worry about, like the all-nighter he was about to pull to finish that paper.

That’s what he told himself all the way to the library and up the stairs to the second floor. He walked down the hallway, scanning the one-person study rooms until he spotted the back of Cas’s head. He hesitated before knocking on the glass windowpane of the wooden door and stepped back. Cas pulled off his headphones and let them hang around his neck as he turned around and opened the door. He stared at Dean, head tilted in confusion at the interruption. He had changed since earlier and was wearing a pair of dark skinny jeans that hugged his legs in all the right ways--not that Dean noticed--and a white zip-up hoodie over a navy blue and green plaid shirt.

“I, uh, brought you your food,” Dean said.

He looked from Dean down to the bag, and his shoulders relaxed a bit. “Thank you,” he said, taking the bag from Dean.

The two of them stood there in silence. It couldn’t have been more than a few seconds, but the staring contest they seemed to be having made it feel like a lot longer. Dean cleared his throat and said, “Yep.”

Another moment of silence.

“I’m going to return to my research now,” Cas said.

Dean shifted his weight to the other foot. “Okay.”

Cas turned around and shut the door to the study room behind him before sitting down in front of his laptop. Dean shook his head as if he could physically shake off the awkward conversation.

“Weirdo,” he muttered while walking away to find an empty table in the back.

 

**~  
**

 

Cas left his thesis meeting the next day feeling only slightly more reassured than when he walked into his advisor’s office and a whole lot more stressed. He was presenting his senior thesis on December 10 at 3 PM. Two months and 12 days left to finish the biggest project he had ever undertaken. Overall, it was expected to be around 30 pages long. He had 5 so far. The whole process was extremely tedious and was much more work than he had ever imagined it would be. Factor in the 15 hours of senior level classes per week he was taking and it was no wonder he spent most of his time sleep deprived and highly caffeinated.

 

Presently, he was headed straight toward the campus Starbucks. There was no way he was touching that damn thesis or any of his research for the rest of the night, but he did have an Evolutionary Psychology exam the next day that he had been sorely neglecting to study for. The hits just kept coming, and there was no way he was going to make it through the night without coffee. He pulled out his phone and started erasing the tasks he had accomplished from the ever present to-do list in his notes tab as he walked. The task kept him preoccupied until he found himself standing outside the library.

He ducked inside the back entrance that led straight into the coffee shop and was grateful to see that the line was actually short. There were three people in front of him, so he stood behind a girl who was staring longingly at an apple fritter that had probably been warm several hours ago and prepared to wait. He peered through the glass doors that opened up to the library and then did a double-take.

_Of course. Just what I needed today_ , he thought. Seated at a row of computers facing him was none other than Dean Winchester, his roommate’s brother. He watched as his eyes scanned down the screen for a moment before he began typing furiously. Then, just as suddenly as he started, he stopped typing and sighed in a dramatic way that Cas could see all the way across the room. He lifted his eyes from the computer screen and looked around distractedly, stopping when he met Cas’s gaze. Cas froze. Shit. Before he could decide whether it would be more awkward to wave or just pretend he didn’t recognize him, Dean flashed him a grin and winked. Cas gulped and was seconds away from having a panic attack on the spot when the girl at the register said, “What can I get started for you?”

He quickly turned around and hurried away from the glass doors to the front of the line. “I’ll just have a grande chai tea latte, please.”

He paid for his drink and walked deliberately to the other side of the coffee shop that was not visible from inside the library. By the time they called his name (well, technically they said Gus; he answered to nearly anything as long as it was attached to the right drink order), he had never been so happy to just get his drink and make the quick walk across the street to where his car was parked. He couldn’t even explain why Dean made him feel the way he did. Somehow, within seconds of seeing him, he always ended up wanting to punch him in the face. Hard. Cas wasn’t normally a violent person; far from it actually. Still, the desire was there. He had no idea how Sam and Dean came from the same family tree.

When he got home, the other Winchester brother was sitting at the kitchen table with books spread around him and his laptop placed at the center of it all.

“You too?” he asked as he took his shoes off at the door.

“All night long,” Sam sighed. “Care to join me in my suffering?”

He gestured to the open spot across from him and Cas nodded. He sat his phone down on the empty side of the table and left to get his laptop and books. Sam was glaring at his phone when Cas returned. He didn’t say anything but shot him a questioning look. Sam laughed a little as he sat his phone down again and locked it before Cas could get a peek at the screen.

“Just my brother, being an ass,” he said.

“He seems to do that much of the time,” Cas mumbled.

Sam laughed harder that time and nodded his head.

“Can’t argue with you there.”

He picked up another book and sighed, “He’s not all bad though, once you get past all the bullshit and binge drinking.”

Cas had no knowledge of any version of Dean that didn’t involve either of the two things, so he said nothing and began flipping through his notes. The two worked quietly for awhile. Cas had just made it through the powerpoints for two of the three chapters he had to study and was staring in confusion at his notes about heuristics when Sam cleared his throat. He looked up expectantly.

“Can I ask you something?” Sam said.

He looked nervous and like he half expected Cas to say no. Cas was on edge instantly.

“Sure,” he replied, the green highlighter he had been using poised above his notebook.

“What’s the deal with you and Dean?”

Cas dropped the highlighter, which then rolled off the table, and stammered as he leaned down to pick it up. He cleared his throat. “What about me and Dean?”

Sam raised an eyebrow but just asked, “I mean, did you guys have a fight or something? You act super weird around each other, and I couldn’t get Dean to talk about it so I thought I’d try you.”

“Well, there’s really nothing to talk about,” Cas explained. “We didn’t have a fight. I barely know your brother.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Sam said in that way that meant he definitely wasn’t about to drop the subject. “It’s just that every time you two are in the same room, Dean gets about 10x more... Dean-esque, and you act kind of weird too. I just want to know if there’s something I can do or if I should try and keep Dean away from the apartment when you’re here or…”

“No, don’t do that,” Cas cut in. “Dean is your brother, and this is your apartment too.”

“Yeah, but you look like you wanna make a run for it every time he comes over,” Sam said. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable here.”

“I just don’t know him that well,” Cas said, as if that could adequately explain what was going on. “I’m sure that’s all it is.”

Sam looked thoughtful for a moment before his face lit up. Cas knew him well enough to know he probably wasn’t going to like what Sam was about to say.

“I have an idea,” Sam said. He looked up at Cas hopefully. “There’s gonna be a barbeque at Bobby’s this weekend. It’s just gonna be a few family friends, and Jess and I are going too. You could come and hang out for awhile. I mean, maybe it would give you the chance to get to know Dean a little better. He’s generally in a much better mood when surrounded by food and alcohol.”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” Cas said.

“Oh, come on, it won’t be that bad. Dean doesn’t bite. Besides, if it is that bad, I promise Jess and I will be your bodyguards,” Sam joked.

Cas laughed at that. “Jess defending my honor against Dean Winchester. Now that’s something I would like to see.”

“Don’t let her sweet, innocent look fool you,” Sam warned. “She can be pretty damn scary when she wants to be.”

Cas highly doubted that were true. Sam’s girlfriend was probably the nicest person Cas had ever met. She made him feel at ease the second he met her, and that was a feat very few people had accomplished.

“Just think about it,” Sam encouraged.

"Okay, but you have to tell Dean that I might be coming," he replied as sternly as he could.

"If I say yes, will you think about it?"

Cas conceded that he would think about it.

He thought about it for the next two days. He thought about it pretty constantly, actually. So much so that by the time Saturday morning rolled around, he had formulated a brilliant excuse about needing to spend the day in the library instead.

However, when Jess showed up that afternoon, she was having none of it. She greeted Cas with a hug and grinned like he was her favorite person in the world. He wasn’t kidding when he said she was the nicest person he’s ever met.

“You’re coming with us today, right?” she beamed.

“Actually, I really should get some work done today,” he tried.

“Cas, it’s Saturday! All you ever do is work, and you deserve a break. Come with us! It’ll be fun, I promise! Pleaseeee!” she pleaded with him, jutting her lip out in that sad little pout she seemed to be just as good at doing as Sam was.

He could feel himself relenting already. He absentmindedly thought that Sam was going to be giving into a lot of things if he kept this girl around. He sighed.

“Alright, fine.”

She grinned and high-fived Sam, who was looking very smug when he turned around to face Cas.

**  
**Minutes later, he found himself in the backseat of Sam’s Ford Escape very much regretting his decision to tag along. Jess smiled reassuringly at him over her shoulder though, and he smiled back like he wasn’t about to throw up. He had this nagging feeling that he had just taken a sharp turn at a crossroads and things were about to change. To what extent, though, he could never have predicted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dean is singing is Where We Gonna Go From Here by Mat Kearney, and the first song in the coffee shop is Yellow by Coldplay. :)

Despite his trepidations, the whole affair started off innocently enough. Cas had heard a lot about Bobby and felt like he already knew him. So when he gave Cas an appraising look before shaking his hand gruffly, Cas just smiled back. Bobby introduced him to Ellen, whom Cas had already seen a few times at the bar, and to two of his hunting buddies, Rufus and William. It turns out that William was Jo’s father. Cas liked Jo well enough. He was intimidated by her, yes, but she was always nice to him when she saw him with Sam.

The older men started recounting a hunt they had gone on last deer season, and Cas backed away to look for Sam and Jess again. He spotted them standing next to a table by the grill in the backyard and walked through the kitchen and out to the patio before he realized who they were talking to. By the time he did, it was too late. He caught Dean’s eye around Sam’s shoulder and froze. Dean stopped mid-sentence, and everyone noticed, turning around to see who was there.

“Oh, hey Cas!” said Jess, ever the polite one. “We were wondering where you went!”

Dean’s expression said that clearly, not everyone had been wondering where he was. Cas darted a glare at Sam, who at least had the decency to look sheepish as he avoided looking in Cas's direction. Obviously he didn’t warn Dean that Cas was coming. 

Dean's shock didn’t stick around for long though. He nodded his acknowledgment before going back to whatever it was he had been talking about. Jo, who was seated next to him, raised an eyebrow at his misstep but said nothing. Cas moved to stand next to Sam. 

“See? Nothing to worry about,” Sam muttered as he leaned over to Cas conspiratorially. 

"That's what people always say right before something terrible happens," Cas whispered back, causing Sam to shake his head and roll his eyes.

Cas listened as Dean told the ending to what sounded like a story that involved a lot of alcohol and poor judgment. Everyone laughed heartily though, so Cas joined in. His eyes connected with Dean’s again, briefly, and he could have sworn it was like Dean was doing it on purpose. Sam looked between the two of them, his expression snapping into something akin to realization before he schooled it again and tugged on Jess’s hand.

“Let’s go inside so I can show you around,” he said abruptly. 

Jess looked at him questioningly but followed behind him anyways. Silence fell in their wake between the three remaining people on the patio. 

Dean stood up to check the grill, as it seemed he was the one in charge of it. Jo tapped her fingers on the table and looked around for a few seconds before standing up and announcing, “I’m going to get a beer.”

Dean turned around again, and his eyes fell on Cas, who was still standing awkwardly.

“If I didn’t know better,” he said, “I would think they were trying to get us alone together.”

Cas huffed sarcastically. He was certain that’s exactly what Sam was doing. It had worked though because he was now standing on Bobby’s patio, alone with Dean.

“Might as well sit down,” Dean gestured. “The burgers still have a while to cook.”

Cas nodded and pulled out the metal chair across from Dean. It scraped across the concrete, and he sat, pulling it closer to the table. Dean sat down as well and was staring at Cas again with an amused glint in his eyes. True to Sam’s word, Dean did appear to be in a good mood today.

“What?” Cas asked.

“Nothing,” Dean said, looking down at his hands on the table. “Just trying to figure you out.”

Cas tilted his head. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’ve got this whole mysterious, brooding thing going on,” Dean gestured unhelpfully toward Cas.

“I’m not brooding,” Cas said, feeling that fire of annoyance being stoked in his chest that Dean always seemed to start. “I just don’t feel the need to walk around smiling all the time. That would be creepy.”

“Fair enough,” Dean said, backing off as he leaned back in his chair. He studied the wooden table for a moment and then asked, “So what do you think about Jess?”

“I like her,” Cas said quickly. His guard slipped a fraction of an inch as a smile spread across his face involuntarily. “She’s very good for Sam.”

“Yeah?” Dean asked, sounding genuinely interested in Cas’s opinion. 

Cas nodded. Dean smiled then. “I’m glad he’s got her then; and you.”

Cas jerked his head up. “Me?”

It came out sharper than he intended, but Dean didn’t seem to notice. He continued, “Yeah, I’m glad he has people looking out for him. Makes me worry about him a little less.”

“You worry about your brother a lot,” Cas said softly, more as a statement than a question. 

“When am I not worrying about that kid?” Dean asked, laughing as he did. “I may only be two years older than him, but sometimes I feel like I raised him. I mean, with our parents not really being around and…”

Dean trailed off, and Cas didn’t push the subject. He didn’t know exactly what had happened to Sam and Dean’s parents. He only knew that they had both died when they were young and that things had been bad for them for awhile. 

“Anyways,” Dean said, “I’m glad he has the two of you to keep him in line.”

Cas didn’t know how to respond so he just nodded. Dean cleared his throat and got up to check the burgers again, and Cas realized that he was actually enjoying talking to Dean. They had managed to go a full five minutes without snarking at the other or feeling the need to flee the premises. It was a miracle, really. 

The screen door slid open, and Bobby stuck out his head. “Those burgers done yet? We’re starving in here, boy.”

“Hold your horses, old man” Dean said. “Five more minutes.”

“Idgit,” Bobby mumbled. “I’m gonna go get the plates and stuff. Cas, you wanna give me a hand?”

“Uh, sure,” Cas replied as he stood up and followed Bobby inside the house. He passed Sam, who had left Jess sitting at the counter with Jo, as he walked toward the kitchen. The two of them had apparently hit it off. He suspected Jo was grateful to have another female around. Sam clapped him on the shoulder as he walked by and went out to the patio where Dean was flipping the burgers. 

Sam stood at the door for a minute before Dean looked over his shoulder and said, “Like the view?”

Sam laughed at Dean’s attempt at humor and sat down in the seat Cas had just vacated. 

“I noticed you and Cas were talking.”

“Very astute,” Dean said. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “So what did you think?”

“About Cas?” Dean asked, eyebrows scrunched together.

“Yeah,” Sam said.

“He’s alright,” Dean said, “maybe not a complete weirdo.”

“So what did you guys talk about?”

Dean glanced over his shoulder, “What’s your deal? Want me to write you a transcript or maybe get Cas so we can re-enact the whole thing for you?”

“I’m just curious,” Sam shrugged. 

“What, are you trying to set us up or something?” Dean joked. Sam didn’t respond. He turned around with the spatula still in his hand, and at the look on Sam’s face, his tone switched instantly to what could only be described as panic. “Dude, I was kidding. You are not trying to set us up.”

“No, I’m not,” Sam scowled at his brother. “You’ve gotta admit that you guys are pretty intense though. If you did want...”

Dean cut him off, “Sam. Don’t.”

“I’m not really sure if he likes guys, but I could…”

“Sam.”

Dean’s face was pleading. 

“I’m literally begging you to stop right now.”

Sam studied Dean for a moment and decided to listen. He knew exactly how hard to push Dean to get him to finally spit it out most of the time, but he also knew Dean well enough to know when to let it go. This was one of those times. Dean nodded his head, relieved that Sam seemed to be dropping it. 

Sam’s statement had left him a little bit shaken though. With the look of someone who had barely jumped out of the way of a moving train, he turned back around to flip the burgers again. 

The screen door slid open with a screech, and both brothers turned their heads to see Bobby, followed by Cas and everyone else, filing out with plates and drinks in hand. Dean looked back at the grill and decided the burgers were done. He held his hand out to take the plate Sam was handing him and started piling them on. 

The rest of the afternoon progressed easily and without incident. By the time it was starting to get dark, Cas was surprised to find that he had managed to spend an entire day with other people and not worrying about homework at all. He was more than content. 

After lunch, the adults (well, older adults) went back inside to watch television while Cas, Sam, Jess, Jo, and Dean started an impromptu game of Uno with a pack of cards Dean fetched from Sam’s old room. Sure, it was a child’s game, but Cas suspected that the Winchester brothers could turn patty cake into a deathmatch with their level of competitiveness. Jo wasn’t much better. She had just slammed a draw four card down on Dean and was doing what could only be called a victory dance. Dean slammed his cards on the table face down and yelled, “Son of a bitch!”

Cas couldn’t help but laugh at the display, which made Dean look at him and crack the tiniest smile. Cas felt his cheeks flush and looked back down at his cards. The moment passed though as it was Sam’s turn again and the game was back on. 

Dusk soon settled over the backyard like a canopy, sweeping the last vestiges of the afternoon sun away with it and making it difficult to see. Dean got up between turns and started a fire in the copper fire pit situated on the edge of the patio. Cas watched him stack the logs from the pile of firewood and drop in a match to send the first burst of flames surging to life. He was wearing a red and white plaid shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a heather gray t-shirt underneath. Cas could see the muscles in his back and across his shoulders flexing underneath the thin fabric. He looked like he belonged in a magazine instead of in the backyard with the way the steadily growing fire in the background framed his form. 

The group started slowly losing interest in the game after that. They saw it through until Jo won though before dragging the lawn chairs over to sit around the fire. It was still warm outside during the day, but there was definitely a chill in the air at night that promised fall was coming soon. Everyone was on their third or fourth beer (except for Jess, who was the designated driver), and the conversation was flowing easily. Sam was laughing so hard he could barely finish his story about the time he and Dean wore Batman and Superman capes and jumped off the top of their father’s shed. Dean interrupted to point out that he had driven Sam to the ER on his handlebars afterwards because he broke his arm. Jess let out an appropriate “aww” and rested her head against Sam’s shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, and she scooted her chair closer to lean into him. Cas watched and smiled warmly. They were that couple that everyone else thought was too perfect to actually exist. If anyone deserved that kind of relationship, though, it was Sam. 

After Dean was harassed into telling the embarrassing story of his drunken rendition of some John Mayer song at a karaoke night during sophomore year, Jo said, “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you play guitar when you weren’t drunk out of your mind.”

“That’s just as well,” Dean said. “It doesn’t get much better than that.”

“That’s not true,” Sam insisted. “Dean can play really well.”

“And how would you know?” Dean challenged.

“I heard you playing in your room every night when I still lived here.”

The playful, comfortable expression Dean had been wearing before faded from his face for a moment. He looked as if he really hadn’t been expecting that answer at all. He recovered quickly though and said, “Well, your hearing is still in tact, so I guess that’s alright.” 

“Seriously,” Jo said. “You should get your guitar and play something!”

“No,” Dean replied and shook his head. “Definitely not.”

“Who are you trying to impress?” she asked, gesturing around the circle. “It’s just us!”

Cas was sure he didn’t imagine the way Dean’s eyes flitted in his direction through the fire for just a second. Still, he acquiesced and went inside the house. He returned with a black acoustic guitar that he situated on his lap as he sat down. The chatter fell silent as he sighed and stared at the ground for a moment before turning his focus to the strings. He began strumming a few chords before settling into a rhythm, and then he started to sing. Cas felt like he had been holding his breath and then had it punched out of him. 

Sam hadn’t been lying. Dean could definitely play the guitar. He could sing too though. His voice was soft. It was still deep but had a certain lightness to it that was such a contrast to his usual bravado. His face softened too; turned into something that didn’t look anything at all like the Dean whom Cas knew but still seemed exactly right. Cas didn’t recognize the song he played, but it didn’t really matter. He couldn’t focus on anything other than the way Dean shut his eyes and seemed to be transcended to some other dimension while he completely lost himself in the song. Cas couldn’t help the thought that reverberated through his brain as he watched. 

_My God, he’s beautiful._

The soft sounds of the guitar and Dean’s voice filled the night as the crickets chirped in the background, providing the perfect setting for the summer evening that came straight out of every cliche teen movie ever made. Everyone cheered when it was over, including Cas. Dean smiled sheepishly as he leaned the guitar against the wall behind him. Despite all of his protests, he looked about a million times more relaxed and happy after playing. When he met Cas’s stare through the flames again, they were both smiling warmly. 

The night ended way too soon. Sam, Jess, and Cas drove back into town after everyone had said their goodbyes, and Cas went to bed feeling happier than he remembered feeling in years. The morning, however, brought the harsh reminder of the work that had gone neglected the previous day. Not every day was a fairytale, after all. As a result, Cas spent the entire day sitting at his desk with headphones on and a Word document in front of him. Senior thesis was going to drive him insane one of these days. He just knew it. 

Monday didn’t do much to dissuade his acceptance of that fate. After a pop quiz in Cognitive Psych and a writing assignment that was due at the end of the week in Sensation and Perception, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and not come out again until the semester was over. He still needed to study for his Judgment and Decision Making exam the next day, though, so he very reluctantly ate a quick dinner and resigned himself to camping out in the library. 

It must have been that point in the semester for a lot of people because the library was absolutely packed. Not a single study room on the second floor was open, and there were students crowding around all of the tables. Cas preferred the second floor because it was generally quieter than the first, but it didn’t look like he had a choice this time. He trudged back down the stairs and wandered through the bookshelves until he spotted the only remaining empty table. It was near the back and nestled in the poetry section. He pulled out one of the only two rolling chairs and sat down. Within minutes, he was lost in his own world. He stared intently at the notes in front of him for at least half an hour, reclined in the chair with his face hidden behind the spiral notebook. He was still doing that when he suddenly sensed that he wasn’t alone anymore. He peeked over the top of his notebook and nearly dropped it when he saw who was standing in front of him.

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

Dean had a Starbucks cup in one hand and the other resting under the strap of his backpack still slung over his shoulder. He looked just about as stressed as Cas felt.

“Sure,” Cas said. 

Dean smiled gratefully and pulled out the chair across from him. 

“What are you working on?” Dean asked conversationally.

He reached into his bag and began to make an impressive pile in front of him as he emptied the books. He saw Cas raise his eyebrow at the stack before answering.

“Judgment and Decision Making test,” Cas said.

Cas sat his notebook down and sighed. He pinched his fingers together on the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. He looked like the library was the last place he wanted to be.

“That sounds fun?” Dean tried.

“Ugh,” Cas grunted. “I hate it. I needed another elective, and some of my classmates told me it was easy. They lied.”

Dean laughed. “Sorry, man. Same thing happened to me with a poetry class last semester. It sucked.”

Cas nodded. “So what are you working on?”

“I’ve got a paper due tomorrow about the origins of postmodernism literature,” Dean replied.

“Tomorrow?” 

“Yeah, stop judging me,” Dean said. “Not all of us are over-achievers.”

Dean hadn’t meant anything by it, but Cas turned on the full-force of his glare at his comment.

“I wouldn’t call it ‘over-achieving’ when the test is tomorrow. I’m behind in nearly every class,” he said curtly.

“Whoa,” Dean said, raising his hands in a display of innocence. “I wasn’t trying to imply anything. Just saying you’re a hard worker, with the thesis and all.”

Cas backed down from the defensive front then and said, “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just stressed.”

“It’s okay,” Dean replied carefully, not wanting to upset him again. He realized what Sam meant about Cas being under a lot of stress now. He was strung so tight that it looked like any amount of pressure might break him. Being surrounded by books and other caffeine-fueled college students couldn’t be doing much to help his mood either. Dean had an idea, and in his usual fashion, blurted it out without giving it a thought.

“What do you say we get out of here?” he asked.

Cas looked at him as if he had grown an extra head. He deadpanned, “You’re serious?”

“Yeah!” Dean said. “You’re stressed, I’m stressed, and this place is fucking depressing. There’s a coffee shop downtown where I like to go sometimes when I need to relax. Let’s pack up and finish our work there.”

Cas stared at him thoughtfully. He looked a little less like he thought Dean had gone off the deep end, which Dean took as a good sign. 

“This isn’t one of those things where you tell me we’re going to a coffee shop but then you actually drive me off to the woods to murder me, is it?” he asked.

Dean laughed. “You must be fun at parties,” he joked, “but seriously, no. No murders will be taking place tonight. So, are you in?”

Cas stared at his notes for a moment before picking the notebook up and closing it.

“Let’s go,” he said. “I could use a break anyways.”

Dean grinned triumphantly and packed his own books up as well. They weaved their way through the bookshelves and cluttered tables until they managed to exit through the back door in the Starbucks. Dean let out a small laugh as he remembered winking at Cas through that very door only a few days ago. He almost felt bad now for picking on the poor guy so much after realizing how stressed out he was. Almost. The expression on his face had been pretty hilarious. 

They finally made it out into the crisp, fall air, and Dean pointed at the lot across the street. 

"I'm parked over there."

"I can just meet you there," Cas said. 

"Don't be ridiculous," Dean replied. "There's no need for both of us to drive. Unless you're still worried I'm going to kidnap you."

"I haven't ruled it out yet," Cas mumbled. 

Dean laughed. "You really don't trust me, do you?" 

Dean was leading the way now as they hurried through the crosswalk and over to the parking lot. 

"I don't know you," Cas clarified. "There's a difference." 

"Well, maybe we should fix that." 

"Maybe," Cas said. 

Fifteen minutes later, they were walking through the crowded streets that lined the downtown area. It was nearly seven and exactly the peak time for the evening crowd that filled the bars and restaurants. Cas made eye contact with one dark-haired girl wearing an electric blue sequined tank top and skinny jeans as she walked by. She winked, and Cas looked at the ground, feeling the blush creep up his cheeks. This definitely wasn’t his scene. Dean led them through all of the crowds though and around the corner to a quieter street with much less hustle and bustle. Cas exhaled gratefully and fell in step next to Dean as the sidewalk widened. 

“You ever been to this part of town?” Dean asked.

“No,” Cas admitted. “I’m not exactly a part of the ‘party crowd.’”

Dean laughed at the air quotes Cas used. “Seriously? You’ve made it to senior year without ever going to a club?”

“I had better ways to occupy my time,” Cas replied.

“Like what?” Dean asked. “Reading about Freud and his mommy complex?”

Cas rolled his eyes and didn’t deem that comment worth a response. If he had a dollar for every time he’d heard that one, he wouldn’t have to worry about graduate school. Dean shook his head though, still laughing despite Cas’s annoyed countenance. 

“I’m just kidding, man,” Dean said, “but you really should get out and live a little. You’re only in college once, you know!”

“I’ll live after I finish my thesis,” Cas replied. 

“Whatever you say.”

They rounded another corner, and Dean stopped walking in front of a brick building with a black awning. Cas looked up at the white, cursive script that read “Brews and Blues.” Dean opened the glass door and gestured for Cas to step inside. As soon as he entered, the aroma of coffee beans and fresh pastries filled his senses. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. That was one smell he doubted he would ever get tired of. 

There were a few people sitting at the black, round tables, mostly college students with laptops and books, but it wasn’t very crowded for the most part. There was a mic and a tall red bar stool set up in the corner of the room, by the windows. A young guy with shoulder length, blonde hair was strumming on an acoustic guitar and singing a Coldplay song. The whole atmosphere gave off a pretty calming effect. As he listened, Cas couldn’t help but think about Dean singing by the fire on Saturday night. He had looked up the lyrics when he got home that night and might have listened to the song on repeat a few times since then. Mat Kearney just didn’t have the same… something that Dean had though. 

They made their way to the counter and placed their orders; a hazel macchiato for Cas and a vanilla latte for Dean. The barista told them to take a seat, and Dean led them up a winding staircase that opened to a room designed for extra seating. 

“It’s quieter up here,” Dean explained.

They slid into a booth along the interior wall and started unpacking their books and laptops again. Cas looked around and was thankful that he had taken Dean up on his offer. It really was a lot nicer working here than the library. They were the only ones in the second floor seating area, but he could still hear people talking downstairs and the music drifting up to the loft softly enough to provide a nice backdrop without distracting him. The other wall across from them was lined with big, glass windows that allowed the streetlights to cast a white and orange glow on the hardwood floor. He could see the cars and people milling about on the streets below but it felt like they were cocooned inside their own little bubble.

A blonde waitress in a white t-shirt and dark jeans and her hair in a side braid appeared at the top of the stairs and brought their drinks over to their table.

“Hey, Dean!” she smiled.

“Hey,” he replied with an easy grin. He turned to Cas and said, “Can you tell I come here way too often?”

The girl laughed and said, “Yep, Dean here is one of our most loyal customers.”

Dean gestured toward Cas and said, “Lacey, this is Cas. Cas, Lacey.”

“Nice to meet you,” Cas said, nodding towards her.

“You too,” she smiled.

She left them alone after that and went back downstairs, saying she had a big list of orders to fill for another group that just came in. They didn’t talk much. Cas switched between powerpoints and notes, and Dean flipped through his piles of books, sticking post-it notes all through the paper volumes. As it turned out, Dean was one of those rare people whom Cas could sit in silence with for extended periods of time without feeling uncomfortable. It was surprising, really. It seemed like there were a lot of things Cas didn’t know about Dean though. The singing, guitar playing, literature major who liked to sit in coffee shops was a far cry from the obnoxious, near-frat bro level partier Cas had previously thought he knew. 

Around nine, Cas dropped his highlighter on the table and said, “I can’t look at this stuff anymore.”

“Yeah, I’m about to lose my damn mind over here too,” Dean replied with a sigh. 

“You almost done?” Cas asked. 

“Not really,” Dean said. “I don’t have class until 2:40 tomorrow, though, so I’ll probably just finish the rest of it up in the morning.”

Lacey popped her head around the corner then and said, “Just wanted to let you boys know we’re closing in an hour!”

“Thanks, Lace! I think we’re about done frying our brains anyway,” Dean said.

She smiled and disappeared again. Dean looked back to Cas. “Are you ready to head back? We can stay for awhile longer if you want to finish anything first.”

“I don’t want to touch these notes again until finals week,” Cas said. “So, I’m ready when you are.”

Dean had no objections to calling his homework done for the night, so they packed up again and made their way down the stairs and into the main area of the coffee shop. 

“See you next time!” Lacey called from behind the counter, where she was sweeping. 

“Later!” Dean called over his shoulder.

Cas waved as he followed Dean out the door and into the street. They made the short walk down the road and back to the parking lot with ease. By that time, most people had gone home and were no longer milling about downtown. It was a Monday night, after all. The Impala roared to life, and Cas stared out the window as the buildings and trees flew by. It was astonishing how comfortable he already felt sitting in the passenger seat of Dean’s car. He watched Dean fiddle with the stereo until Hot Blooded by Foreigner started playing through the speakers. He raised his eyebrow, and Dean just said, “What? There’s nothing wrong with a little classic rock!”

“I didn’t say there was,” Cas replied.

“You think too loud,” Dean accused.

Cas just laughed in reply and let it go. In minutes, they were pulling up next to Cas’s car in the deserted campus parking lot. Dean shut off the engine, and the car was engulfed with silence again. Cas reached down to grab his bag and had his hand on the door handle when Dean said, “So...”

Cas sat back against the seat with his bag in his lap. “So?” he said.

“It’s a shame we were working all night, and I didn’t get the chance to prove to you that I’m not a murderer,” Dean said, sounding thoughtful. 

“Yeah,” Cas said, “I mean, you brought me back alive, but that could be a part of your scheme too. Gain my trust so that I’ll follow you into the woods later.”

“Damn it, you’ve figured me out!” Dean said, slamming his fist against the steering wheel.

They both started laughing, maybe more than the situation called for. Cas would blame it on their delirium from studying for so long. 

After they finally recovered, Dean said, “Seriously, though. I would like the chance to get to know you, if that’s okay with you.”

Cas studied him for any trace of sarcasm but found none. He replied, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Dean said grinning. “Do you want to do something this Friday after class? Just us, this time?”

“I would like that,” Cas smiled. 

Dean was smiling back with this big goofy grin on his face that Cas couldn’t help but find incredibly endearing. He placed his hand on Cas’s shoulder and said, “Alright, I’ll pick you up at 3?”

“Sounds good,” Cas said. He started to open the door, then he paused. “Wait, don’t I even get to know what we’re doing?”

“Nope,” Dean said.

Cas looked at him incredulously. “You’re really intent on keeping up this whole serial killer facade, aren’t you?”

“You know you like the mystery,” Dean said smugly.

“Whatever,” Cas said.

He actually got out of the car that time and felt Dean’s eyes on him as he unlocked his own door and tossed his bag inside. He sat down and closed the door. As he turned the key in the ignition and put it in drive, he glanced over and waved at Dean. Dean waved back and started his car again. Cas watched the black Impala disappear into the night and sighed, feeling the remains of a lazy grin still tracing his face. He pressed his foot down on the gas and, suddenly, was struck with a realization.

_Holy shit, I think I just agreed to a date with Dean Winchester._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean go on a date (or something like that, anyways), and absolutely everyone is a little shit about it without either of them realizing it.

Dean was panicking. He looked at the alarm clock on his dresser again as he paced across his room for the tenth time. Out of his periphery, he saw Bobby pass down the hallway and shake his head. 

“You’re gonna wear a hole in my floor, boy,” he grumbled.

Dean responded by reclining on his bed and picking up his cell phone. He didn’t have class on Fridays, so he got in some extra hours at the garage instead. He had gotten so much work done that morning that Bobby didn’t even complain about him asking off an hour early. In fact, it was probably why he had been staring at Dean all afternoon like he had lost his mind. Dean was only exceptionally productive for a few reasons, and one of them was when he was worrying about something.

What was he worrying about? Dean was worrying, no, panicking, because he’s pretty sure he asked Castiel Novak out on a date. He hadn’t really meant for it to come out that way at the time; well, maybe some part of him did, but definitely not the part that should have been doing the talking. He hadn’t realized it at all until he had made it about half a mile down the road and thought _wait.. did I just ask Cas… son of a bitch_.

He didn’t know if Cas had taken it that way. Most likely, he hadn’t. Hell, Dean didn’t even know if Cas was into guys. For that matter, Dean wasn’t really into guys either. He noticed when a guy was attractive, sure, but dating another guy was something else entirely.

So, yeah, he was panicking. He looked at the clock again. 2:25 PM. He technically didn’t need to leave until about 2:40 to make it to Sam and Cas’s by 3, but he didn’t think he could sit still for that much longer. He could always just hang out with Sam if he beat Cas there. With that thought in mind, he slipped on his shoes and grabbed his keys.

“I’ll be back later, Bobby!” he called down the hallway.

Bobby made a noise in return that Dean took as agreement, and Dean bounded out the door and to his car. 

After hitting pretty much every stoplight at exactly the wrong time, he finally found himself on Sam and Cas's doorstep with an extra 10 minutes to spare. He knocked and waited as Sam yelled, "Coming!"

The door opened to reveal a confused looking Sam Winchester. His eyebrows scrunched together. 

"Dean? What are you doing here?" 

"I'm meeting Cas here," Dean replied. "He didn't tell you?"

"No," Sam said, skepticism painted all over his face.

"Well, I am," Dean said. He gestured toward the inside of the apartment. "So are you gonna let me in or what?" 

Sam stepped aside so Dean could pass and stared at the empty space in front of him for a few seconds before closing the door. He looked over at his brother, who was reclining on the couch and placing his feet on the coffee table, and approached him slowly. Dean turned his head from the TV and looked at Sam.

“What? Do I have something on my face?”

“No,” Sam said. “It’s just, I didn’t know you and Cas hung out without me.”

“You jealous?” Dean smirked.

“No,” Sam shot him a bitchface. “Honestly, I didn’t really think Cas liked you all that much.”

“What?” Dean asked, sitting up to face Sam.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t miss the genuine shock that flashed across Dean’s face for just a second before he adopted his signature cocky grin.

“Cas loves me! I mean, he doesn’t love me, but we’ve bonded, you know? Wait, not what I meant. I—”

“Dean,” Sam interrupted with an amused smile. “I think you should probably just shut up now.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Dean replied, settling back into the cushions again.

Cas chose that moment to walk in, and Dean was more than grateful for his perfect timing. He could feel a chick flick moment coming on with Sam, and it was one he definitely wasn’t ready to have. Not today. 

He sat up and gave Cas a small wave. 

“Hey, Cas!”

Cas nodded as he dropped his bag and keys on the kitchen table. 

“Hello, Dean. You’re here early,” he replied.

Dean just shrugged his shoulders and smiled back at him. 

“I was bored, so I thought I would come talk to Sammy for awhile until you got home.”

Sam found himself looking back and forth between the two of them like he was watching a tennis match. To say he was confused was an understatement. Even though Dean had told him he was there to see Cas, he had still half expected Cas to ignore him when he got there. He hadn’t expected Cas’s entire countenance to brighten at the sight of his brother in their apartment.

“I’m just going to take my stuff to my room, and I’ll be ready,” Cas said, as he disappeared into the hallway.

Dean nodded even though Cas couldn’t technically see him anymore. Then he turned to Sam and the grin vanished from his face immediately. He lifted his hands up in silent question and mouthed, “What?”

“Is there something I need to know?” Sam asked quietly, so that Cas couldn’t hear from his room. He was grinning wickedly, and the sight made Dean’s heart drop right into his stomach. 

Dean swallowed and crossed his arms. He whispered, “No.”

Sam raised his eyebrows skeptically and received a very childish looking face of wide-eyed innocence in return from Dean. Cas interrupted their antics then by appearing in the doorway before they could spiral too far into an adolescent bickering match.

“I’m ready when you are,” he said. 

He had changed out of the old t-shirt and jeans he wore to class and into those tight jeans from that night at the library and a crisp white v-neck. He also wore a navy blue army jacket that did more than a few favors for his lean, athletic frame and bright blue eyes. Dean gave him an appraising look, rubbing his hands on his knees as he stood up. 

“Yeah, me too,” he said. He brushed past Sam and over to the door. Opening it, he called, “See you later, Sammy!”

Sam turned to Cas expecting some explanation or even a little semblance of sanity, but Cas just smiled and said, “I’ll see you when I return.”

He followed Dean through the door and left Sam sitting in stunned silence in the living room. Sam reached over and picked up his phone from the coffee table. He scrolled through his texts until he reached Jessica’s name and then typed, “So get this… I think Cas and Dean are going on a date?”

After an initial bout of small talk, Dean and Cas had settled into a comfortable silence as the radio played and Dean drove. They had already passed all of the main streets in town, and Dean was actually just playing a secret game with himself to see how long it would take Cas to question his direction. The answer turned out to be nine minutes. 

Cas cleared his throat. “Do I get to know where we’re going now?”

“Not yet,” Dean smirked.

“Can you at least tell me how much longer it will be until we get there?”

“What? You already tired of my company?” Dean asked.

He said it as a joke, of course, but he couldn’t help the way he found himself holding his breath as he waited for Cas to answer. 

“No,” Cas replied with a sheepish grin. “I’m just curious.”

Dean felt as if a pressure had been taken off as he exhaled. He was beginning to realize that Cas was exceptionally hard to read. Most people made their intentions obvious with their mannerisms, but Cas always kept him guessing; even before they had become friends. He wasn’t sure he would ever figure him out completely. That’s partially why he was so nervous about what he had planned for the afternoon. 

“We’re almost there,” Dean promised.

He turned onto a side road that led out of the city and glanced over to see Cas watching the fields fly by out the window. As it was October, the usual green grass had been transformed into a sea of amber waves just waiting to be turned into hay by the farmers who owned the land. The leaves were just beginning to turn too, and the trees painted an impressive picture with their splashes of orange and red. 

They followed the winding two lane road for about three miles before Dean turned off onto a dirt road. To his credit, Cas didn’t say a word about Dean driving him into the middle of nowhere to kill him. He was taking in his surroundings with a critical eye and squinting at a part of town Dean guessed he had never seen before. The kids who moved there for college rarely ventured out into the more rural areas. Dean had grown up in this town though, and he knew exactly where he was going. He continued driving down the road for about half a mile, passing only two houses the whole way. They really were in the middle of nowhere. The car veered onto another dirt road that led up a hill and around the corner. When he finally stopped and put the car in park, they were sitting in an empty plot of land, overgrown with weeds that were waist high in some places. He opened the door, and Cas shot him a confused glance. 

“Follow me,” Dean said. 

Cas looked skeptical as hell, but he still opened his door and followed Dean out into the empty field. Dean walked about ten paces before stopping abruptly at a seemingly random spot. He turned to Cas and then looked straight ahead.

“This was our front door,” he whispered. 

Cas squinted his eyes and looked around him before settling his gaze on Dean.

“I don’t understand,” Cas said.

“This is where our front door stood,” Dean said a little more loudly.

He took a step forward, and Cas followed.  
“This was the living room,” he said. 

They walked forward a few more paces before Dean stopped again. 

“And this is the kitchen.”

He turned around and pointed to the left. 

“Mom and Dad’s room was over there, and mine and Sam’s was across the hall.”

Recognition dawned on Cas’s face then. He took an involuntary step back and sucked in a deep breath. He was standing in the place where Sam and Dean grew up. This was the place where all of their good, and he suspected bad, memories had been made. He didn’t know exactly what to do with that knowledge or why he was there. He turned to Dean and asked the obvious question.

“What happened to it?”

Dean stared at him for a long moment. His eyes scanned Cas’s face as if he were searching for something. Whatever he found must have been the permission he needed because he nodded his head and began to walk to the tree line at the edge of the field. Cas followed. 

Dean offered him a hand as they descended into the canopy of trees, and he pulled Cas forward until they were standing on a smooth rock that couldn’t have been more than six feet wide. Cas looked up and gasped. They were on the edge of what had to be at least a 200 foot drop. Below them, there was a valley filled with rolling hills and dotted with red and yellow and orange trees as far as he could see. He’d lived in his little college town for four years and never known that this was waiting right outside of it. 

“What do you think?” Dean asked. 

A smug grin rested on his lips.

All Cas could manage to get out was, “Wow.”

Dean crouched down and sat on the rock. He scooted back until he could stretch out his legs and dangle his toes over the edge. Cas took a seat next to him. They sat in silence for awhile as they both stared at the expanse before them. It was the type of view Cas suspected one never got used to. It felt as if they had hopped universes and landed in one where time stood still. Everything felt so serene, so quiet. Finally, Dean broke the silence.

“It was a house fire.”

Cas’s head turned sharply. Dean looked into his eyes, and Cas nodded for him to continue. Dean stared straight ahead again.

He said, “I was six years old, and Sam was barely four. We were so young that the whole thing’s a little fuzzy. I remember Mom had just put us to bed. Dad came in drunk and mad as hell. I don’t even remember what he was mad about, but he was shouting and swearing at her.” 

Cas gulped as he watched the long-repressed emotions play out on Dean’s face. Dean picked up a rock and looked down as he turned it in his hand.

“Mom told him to go to sleep, and she went to their room and shut the door. That’s what she usually did when he came home drunk,” Dean explained. “He would just pass out on the couch and wake up all apologetic the next day. That night, he didn’t go to sleep right away.”

This was the part where the story took a dark turn, and Cas almost didn’t want to hear the rest. He waited patiently though, as Dean took a deep breath.

“I don’t know if he was trying to cook something or what, but the only thing I remember is Mom rushing into our room. She grabbed Sam from his bed and shook me awake. I remember the heat and the smoke coming from the kitchen as she pushed me to the door. She told me to run to the neighbor’s house and have them call 911. It was that one just around the corner from our driveway. There’s a clearing in the woods over there that leads right into their yard.”

Dean pointed to the left, and Cas nodded. He tried to picture a sandy blonde, six-year-old kid running through the woods with his four-year-old brother in tow. The image made him shiver.

“Anyway, Mrs. Baker kept Sam and me there while the firetrucks and ambulances showed up. I kept begging her to let me go back and help, but she was tough for a little old lady. She handed us both a cup of hot chocolate and wouldn’t let me move an inch,” Dean laughed.

“A couple of police officers knocked on the door about half an hour later and told her the news. She looked over at Sam and me and just started crying. The officer sat down next to me and explained that Dad wasn’t doing too well and that Mom had died trying to save him,” he sucked in a ragged breath and looked out across the valley again.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas said.

He felt at a loss for words. He wanted to cry and hug Dean and build a time machine to go back and fix it all at once. Dean looked at him and gave him a small smile.

“Thanks,” he said. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Cas said hesitantly, “but what happened next? Is that how you ended up living with Bobby?”

“For awhile, yeah,” Dean said. “Dad never really got better. He just kept drinking himself stupid until one night it was too much. I was eight when I found him lying on the floor. I called Bobby, and he came and got us. Child protective services wouldn’t let him have custody of us right away though, so we were thrown into foster care. We kind of bounced around a bit until Bobby finally got legal custody.”

Cas nodded. Dean met his stare for just a moment before flicking his eyes away. Cas could practically see how much it cost Dean to lay his emotions bare like that. He wanted to do something to show his gratitude, but he wasn’t sure what he could do without risking scaring Dean back into his shell. He settled for saying, “Thank you.”

Dean looked at him then and asked, “For what?”

Cas gestured around him, “For bringing me here and telling me all of that,” he explained. “You didn’t have to.”

Dean scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, well, you said you didn’t know me, so I figured I’d start from the beginning. God it sounds cheesy when I say it like that.”

Cas laughed. “It’s not cheesy, and I really do appreciate it.” 

Dean smiled, and Cas swore he could see a glimpse of the six-year-old innocence that once resided in this place shining through. It really was breathtaking. Dean stood then and offered Cas a hand.

“Are you ready to grab something to eat?”

“Yes, I’m starving,” Cas said.

They chatted about classes and the car that Dean was restoring for a good portion of the drive back into town. Cas did a lot of nodding and pretending he understood the mechanical terms that undoubtedly didn’t go unnoticed by Dean. He seemed encouraged enough to continue though so Cas counted that as a victory. The drive seemed much shorter on the way back, and Cas was surprised to find them sitting outside Ellen’s bar. 

“Is this okay?” Dean asked. “We can go somewhere else if you want.”

“It’s perfect,” Cas assured him.

The bell rang over the door when they walked in, and Ellen looked up from where she was cleaning a table in the middle of the room.

“Hey Dean!” she smiled. She looked over and seemed confused for a moment before grinning again. “And Cas.”

Dean nodded and led Cas over to a booth by the windows. The place was practically empty. It was still about half an hour before the dinner rush would come trickling in and way too early for the Friday night college crowd. Ellen disappeared to the kitchen, and Jo appeared no less than two minutes later.

“One double bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a beer,” she wrote on her notepad. “And for you, Cas?”

Dean sat his menu down and raised his hands in surrender, a laugh escaping him. Cas raised an eyebrow at him before turning to Jo and ordering a cheeseburger and fries as well. She nodded and disappeared into the kitchen.

“Do you really order the same thing every time you come here?” Cas asked.

“Hey, I know what’s good,” Dean replied. “Sue me.”

Cas laughed and shook his head. Dean glanced over his shoulder and saw Jo leaning against the bar and smirking suspiciously at her cell phone. She looked up then and jumped as if she had been caught in the act of something she shouldn’t have been doing. Dean narrowed his eyes at her innocent grin and shook his head. He was absolutely certain that he didn’t want to know what that was about. He directed his attention back to Cas.

“It’s your turn now,” he said. 

Cas tilted his head. “My turn to do what?”

“Tell me about yourself!” Dean said. “I gave you my tragic sob story this afternoon, so I want to hear yours.”

“My story isn’t incredibly interesting or tragic,” Cas said.

“Well, I want to hear it anyway,” Dean insisted. 

He leaned forward and placed his chin in his hands expectantly and Cas laughed. 

“Okay,” he said. “Well, I grew up in Maine in a suburb on the coast.”

Dean stopped him and blurted out, “You grew up in Maine?! What are you doing in the South?”

“I wanted to get as far away from Maine as possible,” Cas replied simply.

“Okay,” Dean said. “We’ll come back to that. Continue.”

“Anyways, I lived a typical, unexciting, middle class life in the suburbs. My father is a plastic surgeon and my mom is a neurologist,” Cas said. “My brother Gabriel is studying engineering at MIT, and my sister Anna is at NYADA.”

“Isn’t NYADA a school for performing arts?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Cas said. “You could say she was kind of the odd one out in our family.”

“I’ll say,” Dean said. “Sounds like you’re all a bunch of frickin’ geniuses.” 

Cas laughed. “I wouldn’t say that. It’s more like our parents pushed us really hard. They’re not entirely happy with my career path either. They feel like studying psychology is ‘a waste of potential.’” 

“What?” Dean sputtered. “You want to help people though! How is that different from their jobs?”

“Psychology isn’t exactly held in high regard in the scientific field,” Cas explained. 

Dean just shook his head in response. “Whatever you say.”

Jo appeared then with their food and gave a not-so-subtle wink in Dean’s direction as she spun around and left. Dean rolled his eyes. He was just grateful that other customers were starting to show up because that meant she couldn’t hover around them any longer than necessary. 

“How do you know Jo?” Cas asked.

“What?” Dean asked, taken aback by the question.

“Jo,” Cas said. “You and Sam seem to know her well.”

“Oh yeah,” Dean smiled. “She was in some of my classes sophomore year. We made the mistake of introducing her dad to Bobby, and I haven’t been able to get rid of her since.”

“I see,” Cas replied as he was starting to pick at his fries. 

“Anyways, about you moving to the South,” Dean said. “What happened there?”

“My parents are good people, but they can be a little… overbearing,” Cas explained. “I guess you could say I needed some space.”

“That’s fair,” Dean nodded. “So do you like it down here or do you think you’ll move back after graduation?”

“It was weird at first, but I think I’ve grown fond of this place,” Cas smiled. “I’m applying to the Ph.D. program here.”

“Really? That’s great!” Dean said. His whole face was lit up like it was the best news he had ever heard, and Cas blushed. Dean seemed to notice and looked down at his sandwich as well.

“Favorite childhood memory, go,” he mouthed around a bite of hamburger.

Cas told him about the time his family went to Disneyland, Dean scoffed at the cliche, and their evening continued in that fashion. Cas and Dean traded stories from their youth and laughed so hard there were tears streaming down their faces and the people sitting around them were starting to notice. They had been there for about an hour and a half before Jo approached the table again.

“Can I get you anything else or are you two just going to sit here and giggle like teenagers all night?” she asked with a grin.

“I think we’re good,” Dean replied. He looked to Cas, who nodded in agreement. “You can get us the check though.”

She pulled her notepad out of her pocket and tore off a piece of paper, which she sat conspicuously in front of Dean. He pulled out a $20 and said, “Keep the change.”

“You don’t have to pay for mine,” Cas insisted. “I have money.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean replied. “You can cover mine next time.”

Jo laughed under her breath and said, “Alright, well have a good night! See you Tuesday, Dean?”

“You bet,” he said.

“It was nice to see you, Cas!” she yelled over her shoulder as she retreated to the register.

“You too,” he replied.

Once they were in the car, Cas asked, “Is it just me or was she acting strangely?”

“Jo’s always acting strangely,” Dean answered. 

Cas shrugged and let it go. They drove back to his apartment to the sounds of the Impala’s engine and Fall Out Boy playing through the speakers. Once they arrived, he recognized a silver Mustang parked next to Sam’s car. 

“Jess must be here,” he said.

“Maybe we can crash their date,” Dean grinned wickedly.

Cas laughed at his enthusiasm and followed him as they got out of the car and went up the stairs. Cas pulled out his keys and pushed the door open. The room was dark except for the light in the kitchen, and they heard Jess’s laugh before they saw her ducking to miss the piece of popcorn Sam threw her way. She turned around and smiled brightly, “Hey guys!”

“You’re just in time to watch The Avengers with us,” Sam said as he popped another piece of popcorn into his mouth. 

“Are you sure?” Cas asked. “We don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not intruding,” Jess responded. “The more the merrier! Right, Sam?”

Sam grinned pointedly at Dean. “Oh yeah, sure. I’m just surprised you’re slumming it with us, Dean, and not out trying to pick up some poor girl tonight.”

Dean shifted uncomfortably but removed his jacket and shoes nonetheless. “What? A guy can’t do something different for once without facing the Spanish Inquisition?”

Sam shrugged, “I guess you can do whatever you want.” 

“Oh, well, I feel so much better now that I have your permission,” Dean said, and the sarcasm was dripping from his words. He walked the rest of the way into the kitchen. “So what have you crazy kids been up to?”

“Sam made dinner,” Jess said proudly.

Cas looked up in alarm, and Dean wasn’t entirely sure he was faking it. “And the apartment is still intact?”

Dean burst into a fit of laughter at that, and Jess patted Sam on the arm. “Sam is a great cook!” she insisted. 

“You weren’t here for the Great Ramen Disaster of 2014,” Cas mumbled. 

“Oh, I’ve definitely got to hear the rest of that story,” Dean smirked. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, Cas. I just set off the smoke alarm.”

“No, I believe the flames coming from the stove set off the smoke alarm,” Cas corrected. “You screamed and woke up the entire apartment complex.”

Dean was bent over trying to catch his breath by that point, and even Jess was laughing in earnest. 

“Whatever,” Sam pouted. “Let’s just watch the movie now, unless you want me to start telling Dean and Jess about your Saturday morning Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathons?”

Cas gulped and said, “Yeah, let’s watch the movie now.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Dean said. “We’re not glossing over that.”

“Oh, look! It’s the menu screen. Someone should hit play!” Cas hurried over to the living room.

He flopped down onto the couch by the window and reached for the remote. Dean sat down next to him and took the remote out of his hands. “The Kardashians? Really?”

“It’s like a trainwreck,” Cas said indignantly. “I just can’t look away.”

“Whatever you say,” Dean laughed. 

Sam and Jess shared a knowing smile before settling down on the other couch. The two of them spent the rest of the night doing a suspicious amount of texting and giggling, and Dean was almost certain they were texting each other. His brother was such a lovesick idiot it was ridiculous. He and Cas leaned into each other’s personal space and made snarky comments about them and the movie for the most part. When it was over, Cas walked Dean out to his car.

“I’m glad you decided to ‘slum it’ with us tonight,” Cas said as they descended the stairs.

Dean spun around to face Cas in front of the Impala, eyes wide. “Please don’t take anything my idiot brother says seriously,” he said, pointing a finger in Cas’s direction. “I asked you out, remember?”

Cas tilted his head, and Dean’s face flushed a very bright red. “I mean, asked you to hang out. I just—you know what I mean.” 

Cas nodded, even though he wasn’t sure he did. 

“I had fun,” Dean offered.

Cas smiled then. “I did too.”

“So, uh, I’ll see you later?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, I’ll see you later,” Cas agreed.

Dean swayed awkwardly for a moment then said, “Oh!” He pulled out his cell phone and handed it to Cas. “I realized I didn’t have your number,” he explained. “I just thought it would be easier than trying to catch you at home or communicate through Sam.”

Cas took his phone and typed in his number before handing it back. “Text me when you get home so I know you made it?”

Dean grinned and pocketed his phone again. He stood outside the driver’s side door for a few more seconds before leaning in and pulling Cas into a hug. Cas returned it and buried his face in Dean’s shoulder before squeezing him tightly and stepping back. 

“I’ll text you when I get home,” Dean said. “Bye, Cas.”

“See you later, Dean.”

Cas climbed the steps again with a smile plastered on his face. He made a point to not make eye contact with Sam or Jess as he went straight to his room and got ready for bed. He didn’t go to sleep, however, until his phone buzzed on the nightstand next to him and a message popped up that read, “I’m home! Night, Cas.”

He typed back, “Goodnight, Dean.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flirty Destiel, shipper!Charlie, and a bit of a twist.

It was Tuesday night, and that meant Dean and Sam were sitting in the booth that may as well be reserved for them at Ellen’s. 

Sam chewed on his bottom lip for a minute, the way he did when he was working something out in that big brain of his. Dean did his best to avoid the looks his little brother kept shooting him. This awkward silence had been going on since Dean had answered a phone call from Cas, who said he was on his way. 

Dean picked up his cell phone again and started absentmindedly scrolling through his texts. He hoped that if he just didn’t acknowledge Sam, then he wouldn’t say what Dean was sure was about to come out of his mouth. As it turns out, his hope was in vain.

“Are you and Cas together?” Sam blurted out.

Dean’s heart full-on stopped beating, his breath caught in his throat, and he’s certain he would have choked if he had been drinking anything at the moment. He cleared his throat and looked up from his phone. It seemed his reaction hadn’t gone unnoticed by his brother, who was staring at him with wide, concerned eyes.

Hoping that his voice came out normal, he asked, “Why would you say that?” 

“Cas has been acting weird for the past couple of days,” Sam explained, “and now he’s calling you and coming to dinner when you two could barely stand to be in the same room a couple weeks ago? I don’t know, I just thought I’d ask.”

“Well, we’re not,” Dean said curtly. He looked down at the phone he was turning around in his hands. 

Sam watched his jerky, nervous movements. He knew Dean, and he knew when there was something he wasn’t telling him. He cleared his throat.

“If you were,” he said seriously, “I wouldn’t be judging you. I would be happy for you.”

Dean snapped his head in Sam’s direction. He didn’t reply, but the look in his eyes said it all. He looked surprised, a little bit relieved, and most of all, extremely vulnerable. This was definitely a bigger deal than Sam had thought before. 

“Is this about Drew?” Sam asked quietly.

Dean’s shoulders tensed, and all traces of relief vanished from his expression. Sam worried he had a made a mistake. He started to backtrack, but Dean opened his mouth before he could.

“I told you never to bring him up again,” he said evenly.

Anger clipped his words, and everything about him was suddenly on high alert. They were not having this conversation. Not right now. Preferably, not ever. Sam, however, obviously didn’t feel the same way.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Sam said, “but--”

“You’re right,” Dean cut him off. “I don’t. So drop it.”

“No, Dean. I’m not going to drop it because this thing with Cas? It’s different. I don’t understand what you two have going on, but I see the way you look at him.”

“Sam,” Dean warned.

“Listen to me, Dean,” Sam said. “You like him, and I’m pretty sure he likes you. What happened with Drew sucked, but you can’t let it control you for the rest of your life. You’ve got a chance at something really good here. Don’t screw it up.”

Dean opened his mouth to reply, but the sound of the bell ringing above the door of the bar stopped him. Both brothers turned around to see Cas walk through the door. His red v-neck was rain-dampened and stuck to the top of his shoulders as he ran a hand through his always messy hair. He looked as if he hadn’t anticipated the afternoon rain shower that had only began in the last five minutes. Dean looked at him sympathetically, and Sam cleared his throat.

“Hey, Cas!”

“Hello, Sam, Dean,” Cas replied. 

Dean scooted over so that Cas could slide into the booth next to him. He picked up a menu and began to flip through it. Dean tugged at Cas’s sleeve and asked, “Caught in the rain?”

“Yes,” Cas grumbled without even looking up. “It wasn’t raining when I left the library.”

“Yeah, that tends to happen a lot around here,” Dean replied.

Sam was looking between the two of them again, but he averted his eyes to his own menu the second Dean caught him. Dean glared at the top of his head for good measure. He wasn’t about to let tonight get awkward. He scooted over a fraction of an inch closer to the wall, putting a little more space between himself and Cas. He was going to have to dial it back a bit if he was really planning on getting Sam to drop it. 

The dinner carried on with little to no incident, although that was mostly due to Dean’s Oscar worthy performance of indifference. Cas kept knocking his knee under the table, and Dean thought it was an accident the first couple of times. Somewhere around the sixth time, Dean was certain the bastard was doing it on purpose. He casually, deliberately brushed his calf against Cas’s and got an immense level of satisfaction when Cas dropped his fork and choked on his french fry. Sam took notice then and raised his eyebrow. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

Cas cleared his throat. “Yeah, fine,” he said. 

He reached for his class of water and took a big gulp. Sam looked at him skeptically before directing his questioning look at Dean. Dean just shrugged and grinned. Sam shook his head and went back to his salad.

After they paid their server (Jo wasn’t working their section that night), the boys found themselves standing between Sam and Dean’s cars in the parking lot. It had stopped raining and was just humid and wet outside now. Sam stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets. 

“Are you guys studying tonight?”

“Yes, unfortunately,” Cas answered. “I’ll probably be up for awhile.”

They both looked to Dean, who was finishing a text message. “Nope,” he said. “I’m going to Charlie’s.”

Cas tilted his head and asked, “Who?”

Sam laughed. “Charlie is Dean’s best friend. She’s like Dean in female form. It’s seriously creepy sometimes.”

Cas smiled then and said, “Oh, I see.”

“Yes!” Dean pumped his fist into the air and hurriedly typed out a reply to who Cas assumed was Charlie.

“We’re watching The Winter Soldier tonight!” Dean crowed in excitement. 

“What is a ‘winter soldier?’” Cas asked, air quotes and all.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up, and his mouth fell open.

“Are you kidding me right now?”

“No?” Cas said hesitantly.

Sam stifled a laugh behind his hand. 

“Captain America? Bucky Barnes? Hydra? Any of this ringing any bells?” Dean asked. 

Cas tilted his head to the side and slowly said, “No, not really.”

Dean hung his head in mock (maybe real) shame. “We’ve got a lot of work to do on your pop culture knowledge, man.”

Sam interrupted to ask, “Isn’t that still in theaters?”

“Seriously?” Dean answered. “This is Charlie. She probably had a copy of it BEFORE it hit theaters.”

Sam nodded, acknowledging that his brother was probably right. Dean turned back to Cas, “You could come watch it with us, if you want. We could even watch the first one and make it a marathon.”

“I would love to,” Cas said, “but I wasn’t joking about being up all night. Maybe some other time?”

“Definitely,” Dean replied. “I’ll get a copy from Charlie.” 

Cas and Dean shared a smile, and Sam cleared his throat.

“So, uh, I’ve got some work to do, so I’ll see you guys later,” he said.

“Alright, see ya Sammy!”

“I’ll see you later, Sam.”

Sam climbed into his car and watched Cas and Dean walk over to the space between Cas’s car and the Impala as he backed out of the parking lot. There was definitely something going on between them.

~

Charlie and Dean had settled down on her massive, comfy couch (seriously, Dean threatened to steal it all the time) and had spent the last two hours shoving popcorn and licorice in their faces while watching The Winter Soldier. It was a night of procrastinating well spent, if you asked Dean. Charlie was one of the people he never got to see as often as he’d like. They had become friends in a film class freshman year by sheer chance. The two of them had ended up working together on a project because they sat at the same table, and they had been nearly inseparable ever since.

“They can’t just leave us on a cliffhanger like that!” 

Charlie gestured at the screen frantically and huffed. She shut her laptop (after the second extra scene, of course; she’s not an idiot) and collapsed onto the couch next to Dean dramatically.

“I need to know what happens to Bucky now,” she whined, drawing out the last word.

“Don’t pretend you haven’t already read the comics,” Dean chastised her playfully. 

She flopped over on her side to face him. “Yeah, but you know they always take creative liberties with the cinematic versions.”

“True,” Dean shrugged.

She sighed. A wistful expression graced her delicate features. Dean knew he was going to be getting a lot of ranty texts and engaging in a lot of speculation about every single scene with her in the coming days, but she seemed a little too dazed to go there for the moment. She sat up and pushed herself off the couch.

“Want a beer?” she asked.

“Is the sky blue?” he replied.

She walked over the the window and pulled back the blinds. “Well, it’s actually kind of black right now.”

“You’re a pain in the ass,” Dean quipped. 

She replied with a cheeky smile and turned to go to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “Love you too, bro!” 

She returned moments later with two beers and passed one to him. They clinked their bottles together and relaxed into the cushions again. Before Dean could consume anywhere near enough alcohol for her question, Charlie asked, “So are you going to tell me who you’ve been texting this whole time, or do I have to steal your phone?”

Dean choked on the sip he’d been about to swallow. He grabbed his phone and held it in his pocket tightly. 

“It’s locked,” he smirked.

“Please,” Charlie said. “I could guess your passcode in five tries or less. It’s probably your license plate number.”

Dean squirmed. Damn, she was good. 

“It’s just a friend from a class,” Dean answered vaguely.

Charlie looked at him like he was a child who had been caught standing in front of a defaced wall with the crayon in his hand and still tried to insist his brother did it.

“Don’t you lie to me, Dean Winchester. I know your I’m-texting-a-girl look, and you, sir, have been wearing that look all evening.”

“I’m not texting a girl,” Dean huffed.

At least that part was true. Charlie gave him an analytical look before she started grinning like mad.

“I knew it!” she exclaimed. “I so called it!”

“Called what?” Dean asked.

“You’re texting a boy,” she said smugly.

Dean’s face turned about fifty shades of red, and he picked up his bottle again, desperate for something to occupy his hands that were now shaking. This was not happening. Charlie was his best friend, sure, but no one knew that he wasn’t completely straight. Not Bobby or Jo or Ellen or any of his family. Sam knew enough about what happened with Drew that he probably had suspicions, but Dean had never said the words out loud. That’s probably why he felt like he was going to pass out right about now. 

“Dude, relax,” she said. “I’m a lesbian. Do you really think I care?”

Dean looked up at her with cautious eyes. She looked really sincere, and Dean exhaled the breath he’d been holding. Comforted by the fact that she didn’t seem to be freaking out, he started to relax again.

“I’m not gay,” he insisted.

“Obviously,” she replied. “I think the term you’re looking for is bisexual.”

Bisexual. The word sounded weird in Dean’s head. He wasn’t sure it was entirely right. He liked the occasional guy, of course, but he wasn’t really into guys as a whole. Cas had been the only one for years. He supposed it wasn’t completely untrue, though, now that he thought about it. He had always had an appreciation for attractive men. That appreciation was just usually followed by him vowing never to think about it again. Huh. Maybe he was bisexual.

“How long have you known?” he asked.

“Pretty much since freshman year,” Charlie admitted. “I wasn’t sure you would ever act on it though or if you even knew.”

Dean nodded his head and took another drink. He was going to need several more if this conversation went on much longer.

“So who’s the guy? Do I know him?” Charlie asked.

“Probably not,” Dean said. “He’s a psych major.”

“Does he have a name?” Charlie asked excitedly.

Dean stared at her and actually contemplated spilling all of the details for the first time. It would be really nice to have his best friend’s input on the whole thing. He could feel himself caving.

“Fine,” he said, “but if you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will take your hard drive and every single back-up you have and start a bonfire. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” she said with a salute.

He took a deep breath.

“His name is Cas.”

She quirked an eyebrow. “Interesting name. Wait… you don’t mean Castiel, do you? Castiel as in Sam’s roommate Castiel?”

“That’s the one,” Dean admitted.

“Oh my God!” she shrieked. “Does Sam know?”

“He knows we’re hiding something,” Dean said. “or at least he’s pretty suspicious.”

“Not surprising,” she said. “You’re about as subtle as a brick in the face.”

“Shut up,” he punched her arm.

“Ouch!” she yelled, even though he knew she was faking it. He barely touched her. “I hope you’re more of a gentleman to Cas than you are to me!”

“Baby,” he laughed.

She fixed him with a glare before pulling her feet up on the couch and turning to face him. She sat cross-legged in front of him with her face in her hands, like an eager child.

“So how did it happen? I need all the details!”

Dean groaned but pulled his own feet up on the couch and folded them under himself so that he was facing her. 

“Nothing much has happened,” he admitted. “I mean, we’ve been hanging out and sort of went on a date.”

Charlie pulled her fists up to cover her mouth and squealed. “And you obviously got his number, right?!”

“Yeah,” Dean grinned. “We’ve been texting for the last few days.”

“You two are just so cute!” she said. “So when do I get to meet him? He’s got to have the best friend stamp of approval!”

“Let’s not rush into anything just yet,” Dean cautioned his overly excited friend.

“Why not?” Charlie asked. “You are together now, right?”

Dean looked down at what was apparently a very interesting piece of lint on his t-shirt, and Charlie hit his knee.

“You haven’t had the DTR talk yet, have you?”

Dean looked up at her and shrugged, his mouth turning up into an innocent smirk.

“Oh my God, you are hopeless, Dean Winchester,” she groaned. 

“What?!” he asked. “We’re both really busy!”

She fixed a stern gaze on him and admonished, “You’re going to do it though, right?”

“I don’t know,” he said.

He picked at his sock with a disheartened expression.

“Dean,” she said, more softly this time. “I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time. There’s just something different about you, and it’s good. So, don’t let him get away.”

He looked up at her with wide, almost panicked eyes. “I don’t want to,” he admitted, “but it’s more complicated than that. I mean, he’s a _dude_.”

“What difference does it make?” she asked. “You care about him, and he cares about you. The rest is just details.”

He still looked unsure as he glanced at his cell phone on the table. Charlie eyed him until it suddenly hit her.

“It’s Sam, isn’t it?” she asked.

He nodded. “Sam and Bobby and Jo and every single person who knows me. I know they’re good people, but they all think of me in a certain way. If I were to go public about dating a guy… I just don’t know what that would change.” He looked up at her with glassy eyes. “I can’t lose any more family, Charlie.”

Neither of them were generally extremely affectionate people with each other, but Charlie couldn’t stop herself from wrapping her arms around his shaking shoulders at that moment. He stilled at first before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. He buried his face in her shoulder and breathed in.

“You won’t,” she reassured. “Your family loves you. I love you. This won’t change anything.”

He leaned back and placed a kiss on the top of her head as they both returned to their sides of the couch. 

“Thanks, Charlie,” he nodded. 

“You’re welcome,” she smiled. “Now, do yourself a favor and go get him!”

He laughed and picked up his phone. He opened his texts from Cas and grinned at the most recent ones.

**I hate Freud.**

_I thought you said he actually had some good ideas underneath the crazy? ;)_

**I was wrong. This is terrible. I’m just going to fail this test because I think a zero might be less painful than studying these notes.**

_Quit being so dramatic. I’m sure you’re exaggerating._

**You wouldn’t know because you ditched me to watch movies. :(**

_Hey, I invited you!_

**I wish I would have said yes.**

Damn if Cas hadn’t given him the perfect segue into his next question. He tapped on the screen to reply and began typing.

_Are you busy tomorrow afternoon?_

**I will be in the evening, but I’ve got a little free time after class. Why?**

_Wanna hang out? I’d like to see you. :)_

The seven minutes it took Cas to reply felt like an eternity. Dean started chewing on his fingernails and imagining every single scenario in which Cas was probably freaking out and trying to figure out how to let him down easily. Finally, his phone buzzed again.

**Sorry, a classmate spotted me and asked for help. I’d love to hang out. I’d like to see you too. :)**

Dean sighed in relief and typed back.

_I get out of class at 3. You?_

**Noon. Meet at my place when you get out?**

_Sure thing!_

**I’m looking forward to it!**

_Me too. :)_

Charlie had been scrolling through one of her various fan message boards for several minutes but looked up as he sat his phone down in front of him.

“So?” she asked, grinning.

“We’re hanging out tomorrow,” Dean said. 

“Yay!” she squealed in delight.

“Shut up,” Dean said. 

His goofy grin didn’t make him seem very threatening though. 

“And you’re gonna talk to him, right?” she asked, her voice adopting that stern tone again.

“Yes, I’ll talk to him,” he replied.

She held out her pinky and wiggled it. “Pinky promise?”

“God, Charlie, what are we? Nine?”

“Respect the pinky promise,” she warned. “It’s an old, powerful ritual.”

He sighed but wrapped his pinky around hers and squeezed. “You’re ridiculous.”

“But you love it!”

He shook his head at her and grabbed his own laptop, deciding to at least get some work done while he was just sitting there. He did have two poems to analyze before class tomorrow.

~

Cas slung his backpack into the back of his car and practically collapsed into the driver’s seat. It had been a long week, and it was only Wednesday. He had not one, but two group research papers due in the next two weeks. Who seriously assigned group research papers? Group work was already tedious enough without that extra level of hell. To make matters worse, his groupmates were trying his patience.

One was a woman named Trixie who looked to be about thirty and had an air about her that made Cas think she wasn’t really all there most of the time. He didn’t think she was mentally ill, but she was very… flighty and sort of childlike. For example, she would drift into class on the morning of every exam they had and innocently ask him what he was studying with only a mild curiosity, only to panic when he told her about their imminent test. Despite her lack of attention, she always dominated the group discussions. Cas had written several papers in the same format as the one they had been assigned and received excellent grades on all of them. He liked to think he knew what he was talking about. However, she disagreed with his every comment. He had half a mind to tell her off, but his ingrained politeness had forced him to refrain thus far. He honestly wasn’t sure how much longer he would last before snapping.

His group in the other class was slightly better because Crowley, the arrogant, bossy, British groupmate, at least knew what he was doing. Cas had to grit his teeth every time he was cut off mid-sentence, but he was content to do his portion of the paper without complaint as long as the work seemed competent. 

On top of research papers, he also needed to hit the ten page mark on his thesis by Monday. He was currently at seven. Oh yeah, and he had an exam and two quizzes on Friday. He had already been mentally sorting through his schedule and trying to come up with extra hours to do it all in. The only logical conclusion was that he would be getting very little sleep. 

He finally sat up and put his car in gear. He took a deep breath and felt his heart racing all the way in his neck. It had taken him awhile to give a name to what he had been experiencing for the past few weeks, but he now recognized it as anxiety. He felt like someone had a vice grip on his heart and lungs much of the time. There had been days in which he didn’t notice the way the swirling dread settled in his chest quite as much. For instance, the time he had been spending with Dean seemed to be helping. There was just something about Dean’s presence that had a calming effect on him. Even just a snarky, random text that made him laugh was enough to momentarily squash some of the tension. It was ironic that Dean had been such a source of annoyance not that long ago. The relief never lasted nearly long enough though. He just felt like he needed to get out, to escape. He often daydreamed about what would happen if he just said screw it all and left town. He wouldn’t do it, of course, but the thought was nice.

He drove the five minutes it took him to get to his and Sam’s apartment, but he couldn’t find it in himself to put the car in park and get out when he pulled up to the lot. Sam’s car was there, which meant he was back from class. Sam was a great friend, and Cas had no reason not to want to spend time with him. Right now, though, he kind of just wanted to be alone.  
Instead of turning the car off and going inside, he pressed his foot to the gas pedal and circled the lot until he reached the exit. He might not be able to skip town permanently, but he could escape for just a little while. He followed the busy, familiar road through town until he reached the city limits sign. He had never driven outside of the city before unless he was going to the airport, and he found himself suddenly very curious. He had his cell phone and could use the GPS to get back if he got lost. Besides, he had some time to kill before Dean got out of class. 

He felt a thrill of anticipation rush through him, and for a minute, it masked the anxiety. The feeling was too tempting to pass up, so he pressed down on the pedal and shot down the winding, empty highway like a bullet. He hadn’t felt so free in weeks.

~

Sam glanced at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall and started counting the hours in his head. Cas had been out of class for at least two and a half hours, and he still hadn’t seen a trace of his roommate. It wasn’t unlike Cas to decide to go straight to the library after class. However, he usually texted Sam to let him know.

“What are you thinking about?”

He looked over at Jess and saw her giving him an inquisitive look over her homework. Her elbow was propped up on the table with her head resting in her hand, and her hair fell all around her in messy, blonde waves. 

“Just wondering why I haven’t heard from Cas,” Sam answered.

He pressed the home button on his phone and watched it light up to display no texts or missed calls. 

“Maybe he’s out with Dean,” Jess said, hopefully. “I think it’s good that they’re spending more time together. He needs to stop working so much.”

“Yeah, me too,” Sam agreed. “He usually lets me know when he won’t be home, though, and it’s been like three hours. Maybe I’ll text him and ask what’s up.”

“Good idea,” Jess smiled.

She looked back down at the notes in front of her and went back to writing along the margins as Sam picked up his phone and typed, “Hey, is everything okay?”

He sent the text and set his phone down again in favor of the heavy textbook in front of him. He was so engrossed in the chapter he was reading that he jumped a little when the front door opened. He looked up and expected to see Cas, but it was Dean who walked into the apartment instead.

“Hey,” Sam said warily.

Dean just nodded and shut the door, coming to sit at the table next to him. Sam stared at him incredulously until Dean finally took notice.

“What? Cas didn’t tell you I was coming over?”

“No,” Sam said.

Jess grinned ever so subtly as she continued her writing.

Sam continued, “I actually haven’t heard from Cas in awhile. Have you?”

Dean pulled out his cell phone and looked at the time on the last text he’d received.

“Not since around 10:30,” he answered. “Why? Are you worried?”

Sam opened his phone again and frowned at his text that was still labeled as unread.

“A little,” he said. “Cas is usually home by now, and it’s been like half an hour since I asked if he was okay.”

Dean’s brows scrunched together, and he told himself there really was no reason to be worried. Cas was fine. He was probably just sitting in the corner of the library with his nose buried in a book or something. Still, there was was an uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

“I’ll call him,” Dean said.

He pressed the call button and waited as it rang in his ear.

**This is Castiel. I cannot answer the phone right now, so leave me a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.**

“Cas, this is Dean. Call me when you get this, okay?” Dean said before hanging up and clutching his phone under his chin. 

“So what now?” Sam asked.

Dean stood up and said, “I’m going to the library to see if he’s there. I’ll bring him back here so we can all take turns lecturing him about the proper uses of a cell phone.”

He shook his phone in his hand for emphasis, which made Sam and Jess laugh. 

“Okay, see you soon,” Sam replied.

Dean drove over to the campus and hurried into the library. He knew Cas preferred the second floor, but he made his rounds on the first just to be sure. Just as he suspected, Cas was nowhere to be seen. He ascended the stairs to the second floor and carefully scanned the study rooms and rows of desks hidden between bookshelves and along the walls. It wasn’t until he had worked his way around the entire building that he started to panic. 

“Okay, so he’s not here,” he mumbled under his breath. 

He leaned against the stairs as he thought about his next step. He could be all worked up over nothing, of course, and Cas would probably make fun of him for days if he knew how worried Dean was. On the other hand, Cas could be in real trouble. 

It was that possibility that prompted him to say to hell with it, and he called Charlie. He hurried down the stairs and outside so that when Charlie answered, he was already on his way to the parking lot. 

“Hey, Dean! What’s up?” she said cheerily.

“If I give you a cell phone number, can you turn on the GPS and tell me where it is?” he asked without preamble. 

“Yes,” she said, “but can I ask why? Are you doing something illegal?”

“It’s Cas,” Dean answered. “He’s missing, and Sam and I are worried.”

“Okay,” she said. Dean could hear her rapid-fire typing in the background. “Give me the number.”

Dean recited it to her and waited as there was more typing. He got into his car and pushed the key into the ignition. The engine roared to life, and he leaned back in his seat. Suddenly the typing stopped, and she sucked in a deep breath. 

“Charlie?” he asked. “You got something?”

“Uh, yeah,” she answered.

“Well?” Dean asked. “Where is he?”

“Dean,” she said carefully. The worried feeling in his stomach became a knot tearing at him from the inside out. He knew that tone. Every time he’d heard it, it had always been followed by terrible news. She continued, “He’s at the hospital.”

Dean slammed the car into gear and peeled out of the parking lot. Several people walking by stopped to see what was with the commotion, but he didn’t spare them a glance. 

“Charlie, listen to me,” he growled. “I need you to call Sam and tell him to meet me there.”

“Okay. Be careful, Dean!” she yelled just as he was hanging up and tossing the phone into his passenger seat. 

Dean blew right past the stop sign and didn’t let up on the gas the entire way.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNING: There's a lot of talk about Cas's anxiety in this chapter and a pretty detailed description of a panic attack. If this is triggering for you, please consider skipping those parts or skipping this chapter altogether. I can give you a summary if you want to know what happened without getting right in the middle of Cas's brain! 
> 
> The song Cas plays in his car is I Just Wanna Run by The Downtown Fiction, and I listened to Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute and If I Lose Myself by OneRepublic while writing everything else. If you're interested. :)

The room was eerily quiet, aside from the rhythmic _beep_ , _beep_ , _beep_ that was coming from somewhere to his left. That was the first sensation Cas noticed; the beeping. It was steady and persistent. He was immediately reminded of his alarm clock and fumbled his hand in the air aimlessly to find it and silence the noise. He didn’t make it all the way to the snooze button though before his mind was clouded with darkness again. 

The second time he woke, the beeping was still there. He heard another noise too. It was a voice. He knew that he recognized the voice, but he couldn’t quite place it. His thoughts swirled in circles as he searched for the answer. It was male, definitely. He was fairly sure it didn’t belong to anyone in his family. He strained his focus a little more to try and catch what the voice was saying.

“Why can’t you just wake him up, then?” the voice shouted. 

“Dean, calm down,” a second voice warned.

Ah, so the first voice was Dean. The second voice, he realized, belonged to Sam. A higher, more feminine voice spoke then.

“Pulling him out of his unconscious state prematurely could cause further damage. As you know, we’ve already concluded that there was no swelling in his brain or internal bleeding. As long as his memory or speech hasn’t been impaired, he should be fine once he wakes up. We’ve got to let him do that on his own though.”

He didn’t know what they were talking about, but it sounded like something a doctor would say, or maybe a nurse. So he was in a hospital, then, or maybe a doctor’s office. That would explain the beeping and why he was in a bed. It felt like wading through molasses, but he managed to open his eyes enough to see Sam, Dean, and the blurry figure of a young, brunette woman who must have been the doctor. Dean was dragging his hand over his face, as if he were grasping for patience. 

Dean nodded tersely. It seemed to Cas that Dean had already heard that answer before and didn’t like it any more the second time around. He wondered how long he had been unconscious. It occurred to him then as he watched them that he should let someone know that he was awake. He opened his mouth to speak, but a rasping sound was all that came out. He swallowed. His throat was much drier than he had realized. He decided to try again.

“Hello?” 

It came out as barely more than a whisper, but all three heads whipped around to face him. The woman rushed into the room with Dean and Sam hot on her heels. She looked at the machine next to him, which must have been the source of the beeping, and started flipping through papers on a clipboard while addressing him.

“Hello, Castiel. My name is Dr. Mallory,” she said in a friendly tone. “How are you feeling?”

“Water,” Cas croaked. “Please.”

She spun around and grabbed a plastic cup that had apparently already been waiting for him. He slowly lifted his hand and cringed as a sharp pain seared across his ribcage. 

“Easy,” she cautioned him.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before reaching for the cup again and bringing it to his lips. The water felt amazing on his dry throat as he gulped down every bit of it in three sips. Dr. Mallory held out her hand to take the cup from him and set it on his bedside table. He sighed then and decided to test his vocal chords again.

“Thank you,” he said.

His voice was much clearer, and he could see the relief flash on all three faces around him. He directed his gaze toward the two brothers then and asked, “Where are we, exactly?”

Sam and Dean both chuckled a bit at his confusion.

“We’re in the hospital, Cas,” Sam replied.

He scrunched his eyebrows together as he tried to remember the circumstances that brought him here. 

“What’s the last thing you remember?” the doctor asked. 

He thought for a moment. He remembered getting out of class and walking to his car. He was going to go home and work on one of his papers until Dean got out of class, but then he’d decided to go for a drive instead to calm his nerves. Everything got a little hazy after that. 

“I was driving,” he said.

Dr. Mallory nodded, encouraging him to continue. He stared at the floor for a few seconds and tried to recall what happened next, but it was all coming up blank.

“I don’t remember anything else,” he admitted. 

Dean sighed from where he stood on his right, and the doctor began writing on her clipboard. Her pen scrawled across the page quickly before she looked up again.

“That’s okay,” she said. “It will probably come back to you, but it’s okay if it doesn’t.”

She looked friendly enough as she smiled brightly and peered at him over the rims of her black glasses that were resting on the bridge of her nose, even if she was just trying to placate him. He nodded.

“You were in a car accident yesterday afternoon,” she explained. “Our first responders found you about fifteen miles outside of the city limits. No one else was involved, and it looked like you were swerving to miss something when your car ran into the ditch.”

An image of a deer standing in the middle of the highway flashed in his mind then. 

“It was a deer,” he supplied.

She smiled and nodded. “That’s what we figured. There are a lot of them in the woods in that area. Do you remember anything else?”

He concentrated again but couldn’t recall any other details. He shook his head.

“Well, your car ran into the woods and hit a tree. You cracked your head pretty hard on the window, and you bruised your ribs when the seatbelt caught you. Your brain suffered some moderate trauma, and you’re probably going to be sore for awhile. You’re lucky you were buckled up though, or you would have flown straight through the windshield. This really is a best case scenario, considering.”

He just nodded while she started writing again and looked down at his hands, which he was wringing nervously in his lap. He glanced over to the right and saw that Dean’s hands were clenched into tight fists at his sides. His eyes drifted upwards until they stopped once they had reached Dean’s. Dean attempted a smile, but it looked forced and anxious. He tried to smile back, and he was certain it probably looked more like a grimace as well. It was the best he could manage though, at the moment.

Dr. Mallory cleared her throat. “Cas, I’m just going to ask you a few questions now and then I’ll leave you to talk to your friends for awhile.”

He answered her questions about the date, the president, his family’s names, and other basic information until she was satisfied that his memory was completely unharmed, other than his recollection of the accident of course. She reassured him again that it was normal for him not to remember the whole thing, and that he shouldn’t worry about it. He vaguely remembered a lecture from his cognitive psych class about a guy who hit his head and didn’t remember anything after about five minutes before it happened. It reassured him a little that the hole in his memory wasn’t something he should be worried about. Dr. Mallory told him that she would like to keep him in the hospital for the rest of the night, just to make sure he didn’t start displaying any problematic symptoms, and that he would be released in the morning if everything still looked good. After that, she left, and the room fell into an uncomfortable silence. Settling into the armchair next to Cas’s bed, Dean was the first one to break it.

“So you just couldn’t hit Bambi, huh?”

Sam turned to shoot him a glare as if to say “really?”. Dean just laughed and said, “Sorry, man. I was just trying to lighten the mood.”

Cas sighed and pressed back into his pillows. The sheets on the bed were white and scratchy, much like the hospital gown he was wearing. He wanted to get up and just go home where his bed and soft pajamas were waiting on him, but he also didn’t feel capable of very much movement at the moment. He turned his head to the side and asked something that had been bugging him.

“What time is it?”

Sam pulled out his cell phone and looked at the screen. “It’s about 7:30 PM.”

Cas’s eyes widened. “Have I really been unconscious since yesterday afternoon?”

“Yep,” Dean replied. “At least you were when I got here. I don’t think you were doing much moving around before that though.”

Cas frowned. He had forgotten that he was supposed to be meeting up with Dean before the accident. He felt a wave of guilt for the worry he must have caused the brothers. He looked at Dean again and realized, upon closer inspection, that he looked really tired. He had dark circles under his eyes and his clothes looked a little rumpled. There was a coffee cup sitting by the window that Cas suspected was the only reason Dean was still awake.

“Have you been here the whole time?” Cas asked.

Dean looked down sheepishly, and Sam walked over to the window to give them a little space. 

“Yeah, since around four yesterday afternoon.”

Cas gaped at him. “You should have gone home and gotten some rest. What were you thinking, Dean?”

Dean shot a quick glance at Sam before speaking so quietly that Cas wasn’t entirely sure he heard him right.

He said, “I didn’t want to leave you here in case you woke up and you were alone.”

Cas felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. There was a warmth spreading through him that gave him the sensation that his heart was actually melting. He didn’t even know what the proper response was for a gesture like that, so he just settled for saying, “Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Dean said gruffly.

Both of their smiles looked a little easier after that, and the atmosphere in the room lightened considerably. Sam walked over to join them again and stopped next to the chair where Dean was sitting.

“I called your parents,” he told Cas.

Cas felt a stab of guilt for not thinking of his family sooner. That really should have been his first question. He supposed he could blame the head trauma for that little slip though.

“What did they say?” he asked Sam.

“Your mom was really worried, of course, and wanted to fly down here immediately. I told her that you were fine and that the doctors expected you to wake up any time. I actually just texted her a couple of minutes ago.”

Cas nodded and said, “Thank you, Sam.”

Sam had both of his parent’s phone numbers in his phone in case an emergency happened. He was grateful for that foresight now because it meant that Cas didn’t have to worry about being the one to break the news.

“You should probably still call her though,” Sam suggested. “She’s been texting me non-stop pretty much all day.”

“I will,” Cas assured him. “Later.”

Sam cleared his throat. “Okay, well, I’m going to go get some coffee. You guys want anything?” 

Cas and Dean shook their heads, so Sam grabbed his phone and slipped out into the hallway. Cas recognized Sam’s departure as an attempt to let him and Dean talk, and he felt a wave of gratitude for his roommate. He turned his head to face Dean again and found him still looking incredibly strung out.

“Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”

Dean scoffed and gave a breathy laugh. “You just woke up from a damn coma, and you’re asking me if I’m okay?”

“Well, you look tense,” Cas replied.

Dean crossed his right leg over his left and leaned back in the armchair. His attempt to look more relaxed only made him look like he was about to fall asleep. Cas looked at him with pity. 

“Sorry,” Dean replied. “It’s been a long night.”

“I still can’t believe you stayed here,” Cas said. “You didn’t miss class, did you?”

“Just one,” Dean shrugged. “My 2:40 class was cancelled.”

“Dean,” Cas started, but Dean cut him off. “Don’t even start lecturing me, Cas. I wasn’t going to leave you.”

Cas felt that warmth spreading through him again and simply smiled. “Thank you, Dean.”

Dean nodded and leaned forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees. He fixed Cas with a firm gaze.

“What were you doing driving out there anyways, man?” he asked. 

Cas looked out the window behind Dean and frowned. He had been driving because he was stressed and feeling incredibly overwhelmed. So overwhelmed that he couldn’t even face Sam, who was his friend. It felt embarrassingly stupid now.

“I was just going for a drive to calm down. I realize it was a dumb thing to do now,” he admitted. “I just needed to get out, I guess.”

Dean stared at him critically, as if he were trying to work out how to say something. “Are you really that stressed?” he asked carefully.

“Yeah, kind of,” Cas said, avoiding Dean’s eyes. 

“Why didn’t you say something?” Dean asked. “Cas, you’ve got to let someone know when it gets that bad.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle,” Cas said stubbornly.

“Nothing you can’t handle?” Dean asked, then sucked in a deep breath and looked away. “Cas, you were just in a car accident. You could have _died_. At the very least, you’re going to drive yourself crazy if you keep holding this kind of stuff in!”

“Then that’s my problem,” Cas said resolutely.

“Yeah, well, that’s not the way I see it,” Dean replied.

Dean’s brows were bunched together, and he actually looked angry all of a sudden. Cas tilted his head and said, “I don’t understand.”

“You’re not the only one who’s affected if you get hurt, Cas!” Dean nearly yelled. 

Cas winced as his head pounded in reaction to Dean’s outburst. Dean lowered his voice then, and said, “Sorry. This is not how this was supposed to go.”

He stood up and paced until he was standing at the foot of Cas’s bed and pinched the bridge of his nose anxiously. Cas cleared his throat and said, “Not how what was supposed to go? Dean, you’re not making any sense.”

Dean’s head snapped up and he looked Cas dead in the eyes. “I care about you, okay? That’s why I couldn’t leave you here and that’s why it’s not just your problem if you run off the road and end up in a ditch in the middle of nowhere.”

Cas felt his mouth fall open. It registered in his mind that he should say something, but he couldn’t form a coherent sentence to save his life. He just stared at Dean in disbelief.

“There, I said it!” Dean’s arms were outstretched as his body deflated from it’s keyed up stance. He moved until he was standing right in front of Cas. His expression was bordering on angry, but Cas could see it for what it was now. All of that emotion brimming underneath just begging to burst free. “I care about you, and I was going to tell you last night, but when I found out you were in the fucking hospital…”

Dean’s voice broke, and he inhaled and placed his hands on his hips as if he were bracing himself. When he spoke again, his voice was small and much more childlike than Cas thought he was capable of. 

“I thought I’d lost you.”

Everything was silent then, except for the heart monitor’s steady beeping. Even the air between them, charged as it had been just seconds before, seemed to still as it waited for their next move. It didn’t have to wait long because Cas lifted his hand, wincing as he felt a pang in his ribs, and held it out in Dean’s direction. Dean watched him and swallowed, as if he were in awe of the gesture. He wrapped his hand around Cas’s and laced their fingers together, giving him a little squeeze, and let out a tiny laugh.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Cas promised. 

Dean leaned over the railing on the hospital bed and slowly, carefully closed the distance between them until Cas felt Dean’s lips brush his own. It was a soft, tentative press as if he were testing the waters. Cas jumped at the unfamiliar sensation at first but relaxed as Dean pulled his lips away and rested his forehead against his own. 

“Good,” Dean whispered. 

They stayed that way for a few seconds that stretched on like an eternity. Foreheads pressed together, fingers intertwined, Dean’s hot breath mixing with his; Cas wasn’t entirely sure he had actually woken up from that coma. It wasn’t until Dean moved away and pulled the armchair closer with his foot so that he could sit down without releasing Cas’s hand that he let himself believe the last two minutes had really happened. He started to laugh then, much to Dean’s confusion.

Dean stared at him skeptically, although there was an amused glint in his eyes. “Am I missing something here? Are those drugs they’re pumping through your IV making you high?”

“No,” Cas said. Then he paused. “Well, possibly, but that’s not why I’m laughing.”

“Then why are you laughing?” Dean asked. 

“Because you have the worst timing in the world.”

Dean’s mouth fell open, and he sputtered, “What?!”

“You just kissed me for the first time after I woke up from a coma!” Cas said, laughter breaking free again. He pressed his free hand to his abdomen, wincing as the movement jostled his sore ribs.

Dean stared at him in disbelief before beginning to laugh himself. “Shut up,” he said, his cheeks flushing as he grinned and looked down at his feet. 

Cas squeezed his hand and smiled fondly at Dean’s embarrassed expression. “Don’t worry, it will be a fun story to tell later.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean said, looking up at him again. “I’m sure it will.”

They smiled at each other, and Cas relaxed as he saw nothing but affection in Dean’s gaze. They stared for what would probably be deemed an uncomfortably long amount of time by most people, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable at all. It felt right. Cas settled back into the pillows again and yawned.

“You should get some rest,” Dean said. “All that sleeping you’ve been doing must have really worn you out.”

“It really is hard work,” Cas retorted. He looked over at Dean, noticing the dark circles again. “You need to get some rest too.”

“Nah, I’m fine,” Dean replied. He picked up his coffee cup and took another drink. “See, I’m caffeinated and ready to go!”

Cas shook his head and sighed. “Suit yourself, but I’m taking a nap.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” Dean promised.

Cas nodded sleepily and closed his eyes. He dozed off almost immediately, though not before feeling Dean raise their joined hands and press a soft kiss to the back of his palm. His last thought before he succombed to the sweet pull of unconsciousness was that he could get used to that. 

 

~

 

He was going fast; faster than he had driven since his reckless teenage years when he was a sixteen-year-old with a brand new car and a first taste of freedom. His sunroof was open, and the cold wind was whipping through his car like a breath of fresh air. It was all so invigorating. He plugged his phone into the car’s stereo and pressed repeat on his favorite song of the week, turning the volume up until it was almost uncomfortably loud. He took a deep breath and tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he released it. He could still feel his nerves prickling, like a live wire hidden under his skin, but his heart wasn’t racing nearly as much as it had been before. He counted that as a small victory. 

He made it about ten or so miles in that blissful state before his brain started kicking into overdrive again. He had so much to do that it wasn’t even funny. He still had barely touched his thesis, neglecting it in favor of assignments with more pressing deadlines. He couldn’t go on like that forever though. He was fully aware that he was making a mistake by leaving such a big project for the last minute. 

Then there were his group members, who barely responded to his texts on a good day. Some of them hadn’t shown up for class that day, which meant he had no idea if they were even working on their portions of the research papers. He REALLY didn’t want to have to text Trixie or Crowley again. 

Then there was Dean. He didn’t exactly feel like lumping Dean in with his other problems was entirely fair. He wasn’t really a problem, after all. He was the opposite of anxiety-inducing most of the time. That didn’t stop him from dominating Cas’s thoughts though. What exactly was going on between them? Dean was his friend, but it was something entirely different than his friendship with Sam. He found himself smiling at the oddest times when he thought of Dean. In the middle of a lecture, while he was walking to his car, when he heard a bad joke that he knew Dean would find hilarious. Dean looked at him like he mattered. He made Cas feel like he was important and safe and interesting. Cas felt so sure that there was something happening between them that was beyond friendship, but then there were also moments when he doubted it. This was Dean, after all. He was fairly popular on campus, extremely good-looking, and notoriously, painfully straight. What on earth would he be doing with someone like Cas?

He took a deep breath and exhaled again as he realized that his little escape was turning out to be much more stressful than planned. His heart was racing again, and his hands were beginning to shake. _Just breathe_ , he thought. _It will pass_. 

It didn’t pass though. In addition to his shaking hands, his entire body decided to join in. His breaths came out ragged as he pressed a hand to his chest. It felt tighter all of a sudden, as if something were squeezing his lungs. He tried to focus on the road, but he found himself feeling light-headed. This definitely wasn’t normal. 

The last thing he felt before the impact was the most bizarre sensation. As much as he tried to control his concentration, it felt like he couldn’t. He was trapped in his body with no control over its functions. It was terrifying as hell. Just as he was coming to the realization that he should pull over, he looked up and saw a deer standing about twenty feet in front of him. His adrenaline kicked into overdrive, and he jerked the steering wheel so that his car careened off the road and into the ditch. He was going way too fast. There was no way he would be able to stop before he hit the trees.

He opened his mouth to scream, but nothing came out other than a panicked gasp. Dean was at his side immediately, leaning into his space.

“Cas, what is it? I’m right here. You’re okay.”

He looked up at Dean’s face and saw pure fear in his eyes. He took in a deep breath and then the tears came. He was sucking in desperate breaths, right alongside the sobs choking their way out of his mouth. Dean grabbed his hand, giving Cas an anchor to hold onto and ran his other hand through Cas’s sweat-soaked hair.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered. 

Cas clutched Dean’s arm as he cried himself out. The movement hurt his ribs, which only made him cry harder. A nurse came running in to see what was happening and got to work immediately filling up his glass of water. She sat down on the stool next to him and waited until he had calmed down to offer it to him. He took it gratefully and drank it slowly in small sips. Dean hadn’t left his side through the whole thing and was still standing as close as the hospital bed would let him, holding onto Cas’s hand with both of his. Sam walked into the room and stopped in his tracks just inside the door. He raised his eyebrows in Dean’s direction, a silent question to ask if he should leave. Dean motioned for Sam to come in with his head, so Sam made his way over to the neglected chair behind Dean and sat quietly while the nurse asked Cas if he was okay.

“I-,” he choked out. He swallowed again. “I’m fine now. I just, I think I just remembered what happened.”

“Okay,” the nurse said, patting Cas’s hand. “I’m going to go get Dr. Mallory so that you can tell her what’s going on.”

He nodded in reply.

“Do you need anything else right now?” she asked.

He shook his head and looked down at the sheets bunched in his lap. Dean spoke up then.

“Do you have any extra blankets?” he asked.

Cas looked at Dean, head tilted sideways, as he wondered at the question. It was only when the nurse laid a woolen blanket over him that he realized he was still shaking, really hard. He smiled at the nurse as she left, then turned to Dean.

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

“No problem,” Dean said.

Cas could tell that Dean was still pretty shaken up, but he was doing a very impressive job of staying calm for Cas’s sake as he stared at him with eyes full of concern. Cas looked down at their hands, realizing that Dean hadn’t let go when Sam came in the room. The thought made his heart feel incredibly warm and full. He grasped Dean’s hand even tighter for it. 

Dr. Mallory entered the room with a knock on the already open door and a smile on her face.

“Hey, Cas! I heard you had a bit of a scare when you woke up?” she asked.

“I believe I was having a panic attack,” he said. 

“That’s what Nurse Jones said as well,” she replied. She sat down on the stool next to his bed. “Want to tell me about it?”

He pushed himself so that he was sitting up, with Dean’s help in the form of a supportive hand on his back, and cleared his throat.

“I was dreaming about the accident,” he explained. “It could have just been a nightmare, of course, but I’m fairly certain that’s what was happening when I wrecked. I was having a panic attack and swerved too hard to miss the deer.”

Dr. Mallory nodded. “That does make sense,” she allowed. She asked, “Have you ever experienced a panic attack before your accident?”

“No,” he replied quietly. “I’ve had anxiety, but nothing like that.”

She nodded and chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. “What does your anxiety feel like?”

“It feels like…,” Cas thought for a moment. “It feels like that moment when your chair is about to tip over, but it just keeps going for hours or even days at a time sometimes.”

She nodded sympathetically, and he felt Dean begin to rub circles on the back of his hand with his thumb.

“How long has this been going on?” Dr. Mallory asked.

“A couple of months, I guess,” Cas shrugged. “Pretty much since the semester started.”

“I see,” she said. She stared at him thoughtfully for a moment before glancing over at Sam and Dean. “Would you like to talk about some possible options in private, Cas?”

Sam stood up to leave, but Cas said, “No, it’s okay. They’re my friends.”

Sam sat back down, and Dr. Mallory smiled. “Okay, well, if you would like, I think it would be best for me to refer you to a counselor. I could send you to the counseling center on your campus, since they offer a certain amount of free sessions for students.”

“I don’t know if that’s…,” Cas trailed off.

Dr. Mallory picked up for him without missing a beat. “It’s your decision, Cas. I won’t try to make it for you. Just think about it, okay?” 

He nodded. 

“I could also prescribe a low-dose SSRI, like Paxil or Xanax, for you to try,” she said. “but I think you would benefit more from a few counseling sessions.”

“I’ll think about it,” Cas said. 

“Okay,” she smiled. She patted him on the shoulder as she stood and asked, “Is there anything else you would like to talk about or anything I can get for you?”

“No, thank you,” he replied.

“I’ll have someone from the cafeteria bring up your dinner, since you were asleep when they came by the first time,” she told him.

He smiled gratefully as she disappeared through the door. He realized he actually was hungry and managed to eat most of the soup and what could almost be called breadsticks that the attendant brought for him. 

Sam went home at around ten. Although he wasn’t successful in convincing Dean to go with him, he did apparently run home and get Dean a change of clothes while Cas had been napping. Dean slipped in the bathroom and came out minutes later clad in a plain white t-shirt and plaid blue flannel pants. 

“You look comfy,” Cas commented.

“Very,” Dean grinned. 

“You really don’t have to stay,” Cas insisted for at least the tenth time. “I’m getting released in the morning.”

Dean settled into the chair next to him and said, “Can it, Cas. I’m staying. Besides, you’ll need someone to drive you home tomorrow.”

Cas just shook his head, too tired to actually argue. He glanced over at Dean, curled up in what looked to be a very uncomfortable position in the small chair. He frowned.

“You don’t look very comfortable.”

“It’s fine,” Dean mumbled, already sounding half asleep.

Cas chewed on his lip for a moment and glanced at the hallway before turning back to Dean. He wasn’t sure where the sudden bravery came from, but he latched onto it before it disappeared. 

“There’s room over here,” he said. 

Dean opened one eye as Cas scooted over and patted the space on the bed next to him. Dean grinned and said, “Are you seriously already trying to get me in your bed?”

Cas smiled back smugly. “Are you seriously saying no?”

Dean laughed in disbelief before nodding his head. “Touché.”

He unfolded himself from the chair and clumsily climbed around the railing until he was snuggled up right next to Cas. It took little bit of adjusting before the two 6’ men finally settled into a comfortable position, but they finally ended up facing each other with Dean’s arm wrapped lightly around Cas’s waist and settled on the small of his back and Cas curled into Dean’s shoulder. Thanks to the pain meds supplied by the steady drip of his IV, Cas could no longer feel the stabbing pain in his ribs. Their legs tangled under the covers, and they were both asleep in minutes. 

When the same nurse from earlier came in to check on Cas a few hours later, she stopped at the door and placed a hand over her mouth to cover the smile that spread quickly across her face. Dean had snuggled impossibly closer to Cas in his sleep and was wrapped protectively around him. Cas was sleeping just as soundly with his face pressed against Dean’s neck. Visitors technically weren’t allowed to sleep in the bed with a patient, but she didn’t have the heart to bother them. Cas had already been through so much, and she didn’t feel right about denying him at least this one comfort. Instead she just checked his vitals quietly and eased the door closed behind her as she left them alone until morning.


End file.
